Another post for today

Not sure why I am posting twice in the same day, I thnk part of it is just this idea from the earlier post that I need to talk, I need somebody to really listen to what is being said.  The silence can be maddening, deafening if you will even.  For me there is too much silence it far outweighs everything else.  Is it going to change?  If it has a chance of changing I have to do it, noone else is going to change it for me.  I need to put a real voice to what I am feeling, what I need to say.  If by chance the person I talk with can not or will not respond then I guess I move on to the next person until I find someone I can honestly speak with.

They say you have to be comfortable in your own skin before you can give anything to anyone and well I know that is not my problem.  I know who I am, what I want, what I need and it just seems that for the most part it is missing.

A neighbor last week said "I was to self engrossed to see anything else"  that maybe partially true but isn't part of that being able to connect with someone also wanting to honestly share in their life as well?  Being the someone they can honestly talk with as well.  Maybe I just expect to much, maybe I need to much, maybe just maybe I am the only one that feels this way about my life and I have it to beign with--honestly I don't see that but hey I am entitled to my opinion right?

Partially registered for Fall Classes and Twitter

Well first of all kids I want to announce as of last night I have gone modern and am on Twitter.  My screen name is Charliedale9966 and would love to have you follow me on Twitter.  Not sure yet how active I will be, but it is exciting to say the least to be involved with something it seems like everyone is doing.

Of course the blog will still be up and running and here is where you can get all the "dirt" so to speak.  Speaking of which I have to talk with my student advisor about part of the fall classes I want to take but as of this morning I am enrolled into French 1 and College Writing 2 for the Fall Semester.  Of course there is still summer to complete which I am really looking forward to.

This is of course if Project Runway says no to my application but there seems like there maybe some chances to advance myself in fashion design if they say no, I just have to figure out how to do that.  I mean I have accomplishments either way--I have a life before and I will if they choose to have me will have a life after.  I am hoping beyond hope they say at least yes to the next step and an in person interview--I can guess I only wait, and that kids is nerve wracking.

Its official I am a 100% Gleek, if your not in the know that means fan of  the televeision show "Glee".  Last night was just increbible.  First off Kristin Chenoweth on the show and kids that girl has some serious lungs.  Than there was that performance by Kurt, "A House Is Not A Home".  Lordy that guy moved me, it was if he was singing to me.  I know I am an emotional mess but hey somebody has to do it.  I only starting watching Glee about 4 weeks ago but boy AM I HOOKED.  It is one of 2 shows I don't miss--guess the other !

What I wouldn't do to design something for Glee, I think I would pee--silly me made a rhyme !  I guess its one of those odd mood days and I feel as since I have had over 100 people read in 3 days that somebody really is listening and that we are in some way connecting.

I thnk that is the one aspect in my life that is lacking the most, this sense of real connection to someone else.  It seems as if a lot of what I have is surface connection and I would love more with some of the people in my life.  How does somebody do that, without being intrusive, pushy and seeming needy?  Is being needy such a bad thing?  They say your lucky if you have one real deep friendship and I have had it.  Notice past tense there, and when you lose it you become vulnerable.  You feel less somehow.  It seems to affect everything else you have and you begin to wonder are there things you feel you can't say.

I would be interested in hearing what you think you can not say, you can leave them in the comment section and leave them anonymously and possibly we share the same things in common.  In the meantime, I am so glad we had this time together and that you take the time to keep coming back.

Change of topic

After the last two days of nothing but AIDS talk I want to change the topic--mix it up if you will.  I just found out Kent State has enough students for the Summer Fast Track Design program that I signed up for.  This is of course if Project Runway doesn't want me.  I am really hoping that in all honesty that they will just adore me!  That's part of this post.

If you watched this last season part of the blurbs for the show was Anthony Williams saying "He would do anything to win" well kids I know I would BIG time!  I have never wanted anything else except to make it big in the fashion design field.  I know hands down I would give my grandmother to gypsy whores just to have a fair shot at it.  My mother told me this story years ago that at the tender age of four that her and I had this huge argument about what she had me dressed in for church and well I didn't like it.  Wanted her to change it and she wouldn't.  Next thing she knew fashionista diva four year old that I was threw myself into the mudpuddle.

I got changed by G-d but boy did my ass hurt as well .  I vividly remember watching the Sonny and Cher Show just to see what Cher would wear that week,  same thing with the Carol Burnett Show.  Yet somehow we aren't born gay--GUESS again.  My mom used to tease me that I came out of the womb wearing high heel shoes!  Things have changed so dramatically since then.

I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this or not but it was my Grandma Dale who taught me to sew.  At 4 I was pumping the treadle on her treadle sewing machine, by 5 I was feeding fabric through the machine and at 6 her and my mothers great aunt taught me all the hand sewing skills.  Nearly 40 years of sewing in my life and I can not imagine what life would be like with out. Like I have said in a previous post I feel like I am finally becoming the person I wanted to be before AIDS came into my life.  It is not going to stop me anymore from pursuing what I want.  a 20 year wait is way to long!

All of the skills I have currently are all self taught and that achievement makes me the most proud, I thnk the confidence will follow.  Well until next time I am so glad we have had this time together...

Food for thought

Ok, I am buried up to my eyebrows I swear in research for this new paper I want to do for College Writing 1 on AIDS.  Primarily has AIDS really changed anything and if so what.  So many questions I have asked myself--are we responding the way we should be?  Would the people who died now almost 30 years ago of AIDS be pleased with the progress we have made or would they see the progress we still need to make?  Is apathy running rampant?  Is the attitude of the younger gay crowd that of AIDS doesn't affect/effect me?  Do they know where we have been?  Does it change their experience as being gay?

Are the opinions of the mass public the same they were in the 1980's and 1990's or is the voice different?  Is attitudes different overseas verus here in the USA?  Is there more of a response to AIDS in Africa versus here in the USA?  How many people with AIDS here in the USA are being denied acess to medical care, how many are opting out of medications and stopped taking them?  What is that thinking like--what akes them stop?  Does the general public even thnk about this disease anymore?

Is it managable as they say?  Just a few pills and eveything is ok--life goes on normally?  People aren't dying anymore right?  You get the idea.

I guess what I would like to know is what is your take on this?  Your thougths, your experience, your story?  Am I the only person you know living with AIDS? Do you know anyone who has died from it?  Is this a topic you even talk about?  Or should it be left all unsaid, unspoken or even thought about?

Maybe it shouldn't even be in a post--well until next time I am glad we had this time together and that you are reading.

another religious "Themed" response to AIDS--is it to little to late??

Jesus---- HAS AIDS!!!

In some research I am doing for an upcoming paper I am going to be writing for College Writing 1, I ran across this blog with this posting in it. I felt although from a "religious right" point of view it made some very strong points although in my opinion 25 years to late. So keep in mind that a Gay man who identifies himself as Jewish is posting the thought originally from "Jesus HAS AIDS! the post can be found at http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2009/12/01/jesus-has-aids/

Jesus has AIDS.

Just reading that in the type in front of you probably has some of you angry. Let me help you see why that is, and, in so doing, why caring for those with AIDS is part of the gospel mandate given to us in the Great Commission.

The statement that Jesus has AIDS startles some of you because you know it not to be true. Jesus, after all, is the exalted son of the living God. He has defeated death in the garden tomb, and defeated it finally. Jesus isn’t weak or dying or infected; he’s triumphant and resurrected.

Yes.

Yes, but, what we’re often likely to miss is that Jesus has identified himself with the suffering of this world, an identification that continues on through his church. Yes, Jesus finishes his suffering at the cross, but he also speaks of himself as being “persecuted” by Saul of Tarsus, as Saul comes after his church in Damascus (Acts 9:4).

Through the Spirit of Christ, we “groan” with him at the suffering of a universe still under the curse (Rom. 8:23,26). This curse manifests itself, as in billions of other ways, in bodies turned against themselves by immune systems gone awry.

That’s why the church is to suffer, continually, with Christ as we take his presence into the darkness of a fallen creation. The Apostle Paul says, then, “I rejoice then in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church” (Col. 1:24).

Some of Jesus’ church has AIDS. Some of them are languishing in hospitals right down the street from you. Some of them are orphaned by the disease in Africa. All of them are suffering with an intensity few of us can imagine.

Some of you are angered by the statement I typed above because you think somehow it implicates Jesus. After all, AIDS is a shameful disease, one most often spread through sexual promiscuity or illicit drug use.

Yes.

Yes, but those are the very kinds of people Jesus consistently identified himself with as he walked the hillsides of Galilee and the streets of Jerusalem, announcing the kingdom of God. Can one be more sexually promiscuous than the prostitutes Jesus ate with? Can one be more marginalized from society than a woman dripping with blood, blood that would have made anyone who touched her unclean (Luke 8:40-48)? Jesus touched her, and took her uncleanness on himself.

AIDS is scandalous, sure. But not nearly as scandalous as a cross.

At the crucifixion stake, Jesus identifies himself with a sinful world (including the scandal of my sin). He was seen to be cursed by God (Deut. 21:23; Gal. 3:13). This is why it seemed so reasonable to the shouting crowds to curse him as a false Messiah, because only those rejected by God would ever be hanged on a tree. And that’s why the apostle Paul had to repeatedly insist that he was not “ashamed” of the cross. At Golgotha, Jesus became sin (though he never knew it himself) by bearing the sins of the world (2 Cor 5:21). Now that’s scandalous.

Moreover, some of you are angry because you believe that the statement I typed above is an affront to the dignity of the ruler of the universe. He doesn’t have some immune deficiency disease; he’s ruling from the right hand of God.

Yes.

Yes, but we cannot see Jesus only in his Head but also in his Body, also in his identification with those he calls “the least of these, my brothers” (Matt. 25:40). Jesus isn’t right now hungry, is he? He isn’t naked, is he? He isn’t thirsty, is he? He isn’t in jail, is he? Well, yes, he is…in the nakedness, hunger, thirstiness, and imprisonment of his suffering brothers and sisters around the world.

When we stand in judgment, we’ll stand, Jesus tells us, accountable for how we recognized him in the trauma of those who don’t seem to bear the glory of Christ at all right now. We see Jesus now, by faith, in the sufferings of the crack baby, the meth addict, the AIDS orphan, the hospitalized prodigal who sees his ruin in the wires running from his veins.

I wonder how many of us will hear the words from our Galilean emperor, “I had AIDS and you weren’t afraid to come near me.”

And so, if we love Jesus, our churches should be more aware of the cries of the curse, including the curse of AIDS, than the culture around us. Our congregations should welcome the AIDS-infected, and we shouldn’t be afraid to hug them as we would hug our Christ. Our congregations should be on the forefront of missions to AIDS-ravaged regions of the world. Our families should be willing to welcome those orphaned by this global scourge.

Through it all, we should be insistent in gospel proclamation. To those whose blood has become their own enemy, we should announce blood they know not of, the blood of One who can cleanse them of all unrighteousness, just as it cleansed us (1 Jn. 1:7); the blood of One who is forever immune to sin and death and hell (Jn. 6:53-56).

Jesus loves the world, and the world has AIDS. Jesus identifies himself with the least of these, and many of them have AIDS. Jesus calls us to recognize him in the depths of suffering, and there’s AIDS there too.

Jesus has AIDS.

Spring has sprung---LIFE flashes before my eyes

Well the tulips in the yard are blooming, the lilac bush is in full glory and smells wonderful and even though yesteray witha ll of the fog and rain it seemed more like San Fransisco than Ohio I think Spring finally has begun. We had a few days around Easter that were just gorgeous and spoiled us but hopefully now it being th elast week of April things can only look up.

Last night Jim and I had tickets to see August: Osage County which by the way was just incredble. Keep me in mind it was 3 hours long but what a ride into family dysfunction. If you get the chance to see it, DO! About 3 sisters, their pill popping booze drinking addict mother and their father who commits suicide.

Anyway on our way to the Cleveland Playhouse last night at the 14th Street exit--on the exit actually--the car (which I was driving and Jim riding) spun out of control a complete 360 skidded against the guardrail and finally stopped. We were only doing 40 and actually slowing down for the off ramp when it happened. Scared the living shit out of me, my life flashed before my eyes and my heart well it was in my throat.

Not sure if it was because of the rain, maybe a slick spot of oil or something but my g-d I haven't had anything like that happen in years. Thankfully no one behind us, or in front of us and no damage to the car except some really scuffed paint on the bumper, but christ was I scared. We were both wearing our seat belts and the car spun clockwise all the force to keep the thing in control on my left side.

I am going to try to make an appointment to see the doctor this week as my left side ribs hurt really bad last night and all day today, maybe I pulled or strained something who knows. But, it put everything in perspective for me and I don't think mentally I have fully recovered as of yet.  Has made sleeping a little rough with my side hurting so bad but thankfully I have some painkillers left froma  previous prescription.

Friday Ramblings---over 6,000 hits

What a long week it seems like, but somehow it flew by as well.  Does that make any sense?  Maybe to other college students it does.  Semester ends May 9th and I am SO LOOKING forward to it and doing some things I want to do.  I have a painting I started back in August of last year that I would love to finish and another guestbedroom to re-decorate which has been in process for MONTHS.  The wallpaper I have had months just need the flipping sizing and time to hang the wallpaper.

Still working my butt off trying to get the money difference for next semester and it is going slow but looks really promising.  I ended up changing my doctors appointment to the end of next month instead of this month as I never got into Cleveland to get my blood drawn.

Beginning to think about Fall Semester already as registration is going on now.  I have to get moving on that as soon as possible.  I have these fahion drawings from a few years ago and I have really thinking of actually sitting and making one over Summer break just in case "Project Runway" wants to meet with me.  Either way what do I have to loose?

Speaking of Project Runway----THANK G-D Seth Aaron Henderson WON, I was so rooting for him and out of the three he was my absolute favorite! It seemed like there at the end Emilio Sosa was just a little to full of himself and it came across to me as just a bit annoying.  If I get like that somebody bitch slap me silly!

On a whole different note I want to thank my readers for stopping by and making this blog what it is as of this week I have had over 6,000 hits and maybe this whole look into my life and fashion is paying off.  Once this semester is paid for I might just be able to continue my Oz/Judy buying so stay tuned.  In the meantime I am so glad we had this time together

John Galliano Men's Spring/Summer 2010-2011 Part 1-- LOVE THE whole Foreign/Traveler/White-washed Look


Part 2 for some reason there doesn't seem to be sound! But at least the guys in the beginning ARE shirtless!! What do you expect from a gay guy !

Habitat photo's

As promised here is the photograph from the Habitat show this last Friday, hope you enjoy--this is one of the best.  The other note is that my packet arrived today to Project Runway offices so everybody keep your fingers crossed that Imake it to the interview process.  In the meantime about two and a half weeks before the end of the semester.

Some poetry

Its been along time since I posted what I consider poetry.  Hopefully it will givesome insight to were mentally were I am today.......

Sometimes you feel as if you have nothing to say

No new thoughts, no new emotions

Just an empty, void shell

Today as been one of those days.

If I even tried to say something

I don't think I could

Silence came creeping in out of nowhere

No emotion

No thought

No words

Well until next time I am so glad we had this time together--and hopefully I will sanp out of it.

First change of posts

I to do a talking blog yesterday and briefly it was up untilI noticed there were some problemswith the audio. I got some great feedback from the KSU Writing Center I wanted to do my first talking blog about my current paper that is due tomorrow and I just finished typing. Talk about the work, research and hours that went into this. The topic you ask "Condom Optional Porn:Is It A Choice of Death or Fame". The Writing Center wants me to consider it for next years publication which I am thinking over,in the meantime you have it here. I hope you take the time and listen to what I worte, The assignment was Rheotoric so I had to present all sides and not my own opinon until I got to where is this debate going.   I for the time being pulled the video as I was having problems with the audio track and hopefully I can figure it out. Until I can figure this out the talky blog is on hold but I do appreciate the supprt.

Until next time I am so glad we had this time togehter and i hope you enjoy the talky blog.

Crazy last four days

Sorry for the lack of posts over the last four or five days.  Four of those days was working like crazy to gert my look done for the Habitat Show and with only 5 hours of sleep each night its amazing I am still upright.  The Habitat Show had some really incredible stuff and some stuff that for me personally I just did not get but hey isn't that fashion to begin with . The crowd was large and even though we as the designers were limited to the back stage it was successful.  I did not place but hey that happens to will have to post the incredibly hot photos from my look Angela Pino my model just rocked the whole motorcycle goth chic bitch look like nobody else.  That girl was all attitude and I loved it and her for it.  Angela your the greatest. (The photograph on the side is from an old Jean Paul Gaultier Show)

The downer was out of all the people I invited to this event and kids it was a slew not one single person was there!  Jim didn't come even as I had to be at KSU so early and he doesn't drive at night anymore but, kids I have to be honest I was crushed.  Actually last night after  the show I just creid myself to sleep.  I have never felt so alone in all my life.  It still seems like everything design wise is still looking good and I have never felt better about that and my grades well my G-d they are some of the best I have had, yet I feel the way I do.

Its like my personal life is lacking somehow, its hard to explain and hopefully this makes sense but I jsut feel empty somehow.  I go Monday to campus to get some hep with the dvd I have to do for Project Runway and then off in the mail it goes.  Please somehow keep me in your thoguhts as I would love to make the cut.

Well until next time, I am so glad we have had this time together

Nothing but school work all day today

A very long day of homework and sewing for the Habitat For Humanity Show which is due Thursday. The sewing is going slowly and the next paper is not quite ready for the rough draft tomorrow, hopfully I can work on it some more in the morning. I did however did finish the necklace for the Habitat show today and is made entirely made of washers, wire, s-hooks and screws.

The fatigue has not been as bad here lately thankfully but now that I bring it up I am sure it will raise its ugly head soon. The soreness and stiffness though is worse than ever and somehow I mange to keep going. Not sure if it is because of all the work here lately or if it is the fibromyalgia acting up. Will try to get those photographs from the last show developed tomorrow if I can.  Well until next time I am so glad we had this time together.  Been thinking here lately of adding an inspirational quote daily. Let me know what you think.

Fashion Show Today

Well the Barrington Golf Club Hunger Fashion show was today and while attendance was very low under 30 people counting designers and models we did have a nice time.  hee food was good, the facility was incredible.  I will have to post pictures of the outfit tomorrow.

I did get into the Habitat for Humanity Show which has over 50 designers and is to be held next Friday night at KSU.  Lowes is the sponsor and the event is judged so please keep me in your thoughts as i prepare and compete.  I am hoping I do well.

In others news I have to finish the application process in the next few days for Season 8 of Project Runway. So I am hoping the application gets noticed and I am hoping to at least makethe cut to beseenby the panel to be reviewed for the show.  Will have to try to kepp you all posted.  Until next time I am so glad we had this time together.

Back to school

First day to school since Spring break and for Ohio we have nothing but gorgeous weather four days running now, all near the 80's and one day that was 83.  It was hard sitting in class with weather like that so I can only imagine what it will be like sitting in a class this summer--oh well.  I do have to say it was nice not having to wear a spring coat today!

I got my Race paper from my College Writing 1 class and got an A- and my History of Civilization homework scored a 9.5 out of 10.  The upcoming paper is basically on gender topics so I picked pornography.  It is to be a Rhetoric Paper all sides and state the "heart of the matter" for all sides-- I have mywork cut out for me I think.

For those who come here wanting to read about my Oz finds I am sorry but there have not been any in awhile as any sapre money is going to into a fund to help pay for the summer semester.  Hopefully you will keep reading just to stay abreast with me, what I am writing and what I have to say.  Well until next time I am so glad we had this time together.

Easter

Well the dress for the Hunger event is coming along nicely as I spent the entire morning working on it and nothing else.  The only break was to put everything in the oven for Easter dinner.  The whole even was exactly what I didn't want. No comments about the table or flowers, no comments on my outfit for the fashion show, no questions about school---no nothing I should have seen it coming.  Actually I did predict this yesterday, the thing is I don't know why I try so hard.  Why do I keep beating myself up when it is NEVER going to change.  It really hurts.  The photograph to the side is the picture I promised yesterday of the carnival glass, the flowers I did myself and I thought a beautiful touch.

School starts back tomorrow and while I am looking forward to it, I am not looking forward to all the upcoming homework including this paper I have due on gender.  Oy vey!  I think the topic I want to write about is the effects/affects of pornography on both genders, straight and gay if possible.  In the mean time somehow finish this dress by Thursday and still somehow squeeze in doll work too so I can raise the funds for May for summer classes.  No rest for the wicked I guess.  Well to lighten the mood a silly "Youtube" post and until  the next time, I am so glad we had this time together

The Night before Easter

The night before Easter and the big family meal and I am not ready for it.  Jim has done all the cooking already and all I have to do is reheat everything tomorrow and set the perfect table.  A white table cloth, antique cloth white napkins, the good silver and an all Marigold Carnival glass setting for everyone.  I will have to take pictures of it and post here so all of you can see that Martha Stewart and I are truly soulmates , it has always been about presentation for me.  The table when set like this is just gorgeous and I adore my carnival glass collection.

Jim started his own blog today and I want to encourage all of my readers to visit his site and encourage him in this brand new endeavour.  The web address is http://the68thyear.blogspot.com/ hopefully all of you will get to know him as well.  This is a real step for Jim to open up like this as normally he is so very quite.

The last few weeks I have been in a real weird mood and I think its a mix of things.  First wanting Spring semester to start, worried how the hell I am going to get the $1,500 for that semester KSU needs that my Pell doesn't cover, some worry about an upcoming blood tests for a doctors appointment at the end of the month, a paper I have to write for Writing 1 and of course the fashion show next weekend.

That show has me really worried, the outfit isn't done as of yet and still in pieces to some degree and I have to turn it in by Thursday to meet the deadline.  Most of this outfit this time around has been done by hand versus by machine and I guess its because I am so worried about it turning out right--- again my "Martha" persona---it has to be sheer perfection!  If I weren't like this it would be easier.  In the meantime I have to "jerry-rig" the ironing boardto use it as it broke this week, I would say what next but that only brings bad luck.

To some degree I guess I am dreading tomorrow as well as there has been no real support from my family to my going back to school, not even a lot of emotional support or interest.  It frankly has been a bunch of nothing.  Not even questions about how I am doing.  I know they don't understand why I am doing it and that is fine but to be honest this utter lack of interest just hurts like hell.  I need to get to the point where it doesn't hurt as much, but since this has been only going on since August of  last year I think I have a long road ahead of me.

I am doing what I am doing for me and no one else, claiming my future, claiming who I am and who I NEED to be!  It is who I am and if no one understands it that is ok, because I get it.  I am working so hard to do well and as of right now its all A's in every class and if I can keep it up the Dean's List at the end of the semester.  Anyway I do know the sky literally is the limit for me and I am belive it.

The other part is just the whole Easter idea versus Passover idea--the family as a whole celebrates Easter and while in the past they have let me observe Passover in my home with them they have done it reluctantly and not understanding why I converted in the first place.  Being Jewish is where I feel at home, I feel at peace and more than likely I will blog about that tomorrow.

In the meantime I am so glad we had this time together.

How To Train a Dragon----

Today my brother, my nephew and myself went to see "How To Train A Dragon".  While many of you may feel that this cartoon/kiddie flick isn't to be about life lessons for me I left the theatre changed. The story is basically about this boy who does not fit into his life as a viking and in the beginning would do anything just to fit in.  In the mean time he snags a dragon in a net who falls deep into the woods.

The dragon has part of his tail that is missing.  The part missing helps him fly.  The boy "Hiccup" befriends the dragon and in the process realizes that eveything his people knows about dragons is false.  The boy also builds an "artifical limb" if you will for this dragon to help him fly and together they do fly to unbelievable dizzing heights.

Of course his classmate in dragon training finds out about his secret and he persuades her to his side.  The dragon takes them to what is the Dragon's hive and this monsterous dragon rules the lives of every other dragon.  Hiccup's father figures this all and an all out war against the dragons pursue which they win because Hiccup destroys the monster.

Life is turned inside out and upside down because the dragons end up living with the vikings and his father ends up saying he not only loves Hiccup but his proud of him.

For me there was this huge underlying story of this boy trying to desperately fit in beyond all costs but yet changes his world because he finally embraces his differences and who he really is.  My life it seems in reverse to a degree.  Instead of trying to fit in desperately I have worked my entire life to be who I know I am-- a gay man who loves to design clothing.  Instead of trying to change the lives of everyone around him I am just trying to change mine and be who I was meant to be.  True I feel like I never fit in or where I am from but life is more than those things.

Leaving behind a world of poverty, indifference and "settle-ness".  You know that feeling of it gets no better than this so why try, just be happy with what you have.  I have never been like that,  I have just needed the opportunity to soar if you will.  I left the theatre in tears, my heart ripped from my chest and an emotional mess.  Knowing my father will never say those words to me because I am turning my world upside down, inside out on my own just for me but also knowing I don't need him to say those things to me.

This journey is just beginning in many ways and I have finally embraced what I want,what the future holds is uncertain but I am so excited.  If you get the chance go see this movie.

News?? Maybe?!

I've decided I am no longer gay---- but straight and passionately in love with Pam Anderson!

April's Fool----had you going there for a minute huh!