The Emmy's Red Carpet: My take on it

Well kids I am once again to give my take on fashion at these award shows and well kids many of you know last night was the Grammy's and I just loved the opening sequence. I am also happy that it seemed so very "gay friendly".  Well unto the fashion........

Ok kids, Christina Hendrick in Zac Posen Resort 2011.  Kids, I am not sure about this one at all.  The color of her dress with her hair seems all too wrong, while the ostrich feathers as the trim seem too dainty and too delicate for her more "full figure", but than maybe its me.  Not a hit, not a miss more of a snooze if you ask me. I am sure I may here differently from all of you but it is just my opinion.

Ok now everyone here knows I am a HUGE Project Runway fan oh dahlink's Heidi Klumm missed the mark big time.  With scores of designers to choose from, a show about fashion taste and up and coming fashion talent this is a big time MISS.  First off I love the fact that Heidi is showing leg but honey if that dress was any shorter "you would be showing off the good china" as Project Runway contestant Peach would say.  Sweetie, "your gay" should realize you are not a kid anymore and a mother of at least 3 kids I believe, while the necklace is way overpowering and the hair and makeup is overdone.  Sorry Heidi, love you but your out on this one, you should have known better.

Ok, Jane Lynch is wearing Ali Rahmi.  As Sue Sylvester we love to hate her but at first glance it was "OH MY GAWD I love this" than I saw the bottom of it.  "Her gay" should be slapped silly because he forgot the iron.  Child honestly if it weren't for the wrinkling/puckering or whatever was going on at the bottom of this I would adore this beyond words.  So for me this is NEAR HIT but with an outfit malfunction.  One a personal note I adore that Jane had the hutzpah to thank "her wife" from the stage.  Makes me love you even more Jane besides to quote Kathy Bates from "Delores Clayborn" ..... "Sometimes being a bitch is the only thing you have to hang on to"---my point power to the bitches myself included .

Oh dahlinks, where does one begin when perfection is reached.  Kathy Griffin, girl we love ya, honestly "your gay" should be seriously applauded.  The dress by the way is Oscar de la Renta.  This is where the whole "his/her gay" came from.  It takes an army of gay men in fashion, hair and makeup to make the stars shine and Kathy realizes that, embraces us and loves us for it.  Now I know some have bashed ala Griffin for this look but this gay LOVES IT and her foul mouth and all.  By the way if you have the extra coins kids, Kathy is coming the first part of September to the Cleveland Playhouse.

Oh dalinks last one for me and it is the vocal songstress diva Lea Michele.  Oh my, when I first saw her I was like who the hell is that that?  Then of course they got to talking "Glee" and I was like OH MY GAWD she is all grown up.  Of course Lea is 24 playing a kid in high school but this look made her a little more mature in my opinon and I just ADORE it.  "Her gay" should get an award .  She is wearing Oscar de la Renta as well and honey it works for her.  Well until next time I am so glad we had this time together.

Well school officially starts for me tomorrow at noon with my first class, which is College Writing 2 and which lasts an hour. We meet Monday, Wednesday and Friday at the Stark Campus and then I am at the Kent Campus Tuesdays and Thursdays for Sewing 1 and Fashion Visualization.

I am realy looking forward to the semester since I was sick for the summer one and had to drop out. I am really looking forward to the writing class if I have to be honest. Maybe I will find more of my voice. I will I know feel like I am back on track making my dream of a college education happen.

Today was rather quite as I have felt just a tad under the weather, I don't think it is anything serious I just feel more tired out than usual, hopefully I can get a good nights sleep. Well I didn't get all the doll work done like I wanted to which has me somewhat depressed but I know I will in time. I do have a dress started that is nice and will be part of a possible trunk show I amthinking of doing around my birthday if I can pull it off. Maybe 4-5 designs on top of the two from previous outfits that I did for charity. Will keep you posted.

Not much else here, looking forward to the Awards show tonight, I think the Emmy's if I remember right and I will probably do a post about my favorite outfits from it.

Until then I am so glad we had this time together.

Madame Zelda is in......

Is there a chance I said to much in the last two posts I have done?  Someone pointed out it seemed very private and my response was, "Maybe someone can learn from mistakes?  Maybe people will see me as more "approachable" if you will--more like someone they can honestly talk with.  Someone they can trust with their secrets.

Someone also pointed out I dwell to much on the past.  Honestly kids, until last year it is all I had and I was comfortable living in it.  It was a safe, secure, for the most part happy place and like I said I thought it was all I had.  Some where I knew the outcome of the past, things I felt I could control because I was the one that remembered them.  It was also a very lonely place because 95% of the people in my life now were not in my life then.

This person also pointed out I should dwell more on the future, what I honestly want and especially out of my life.  Yesterday Paula Deen was on Oprah and the topic seemed to be "Jobs before they were famous" and Paula was a bank clerk, when she was not in her home in terror because of her agoraphobia.  She said " All you need is a dream and the ambition to make it happen.  What is the shame is people who have the dream and never do anything about it ever".  I could have sat and cried because it felt like I have sat on a dream for nearly twenty years.

So with that said Madame Zelda "psychic par excellence" is in ( me in a fantasy roll for this post to tell the future) Welcome dahlink to my parlor Madam Zelda expected voi. I vee that voi are troubled by vhat vee future holds for voi dahlink. Hold moi hands and let us gaze into vee crystal ball.

• Madame Zelda sees: A bright and illustrious career for you in Fashion design in the very near future.  You will be, dahlink, one of the very best there is.  Demand for you will be overwhelming at times but you will love every second of it.  I can not tell if it will be Broadway, movies or Haute Couture that you will be doing but I see a large work space with a fair sized staff who will love you beyond words.
• Madame Zelda sees: You living in New York City the best are for part of your year and the other part of the year will be split between Paris and Rome possibly for shows, exhibits or even clients. Possibly hosted by friends and clients so you have some down time from your very busy schedule.
• Madame Zelda sees: You living a long and full life despite the fact that you have been so ill for so long.  The planets will align for you dahlink and health wise it could not be any better.

I know all rather silly post but they wanted to see what I dream of, that's it plain and simple put more simply...

• To graduate from Kent State University with Honors with a degree in Fashion and possibly a minor in writing.
• To have the funds to do my semester in either NYC, Paris, Florence, Hong Kong, or Turkey that KSU offers their fashion students.
• To have my internship with some major design firm where I can learn and grow the most.
• I would if I have to be honest love living in New York City, which is for the most part nearly written in stone as how else does one do fashion seriously and not live in New York?
• I would love to work in either Haute Couture, Movies, or Broadway Theatre.  I would also love to somehow incorporate my fashion into doing something again on an AIDS platform, sort of like Jack Mackenroth.
• I would love to have a celebrity clients and call them my "friends/mentors".  Their are a few I would kill to have in that list including Liza, George Clooney, Sophia Loren, Kristin Chenowith, Nathan Lane and of course my all time fave Tim Gunn.

There are simple things I would like to do as well..

get my sewing machine serviced
Buy a serger
Buy a professional dress from
Have a trunk show
Be in another fashion show
Visit New York City again
Not waste or feel like I am wasting so much time

Well I hope this fills the "thinking about the future" that this friend was looking for.  It all seems so simple really. Well until next time I am so glad we had this time together.

"DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE" - from "Funny Girl"'

My biggest regret--- a painful post.

1987, the year I turned twenty-one was one of the hardest years of my life which also turns out to be what lead in part to my biggest regret.

That year started badly with my partner, at the time, Michael in the hospital in LA. At the time it was were I we were living but not for long. I wish I could remember what it was that Michael had contracted to land in the hospital but I can't. What I do remember is that AIDS was slowly taking the man I loved from me.

By late February we had sold our beach front property in Santa Monica and we were moving lock stock and barrel to Fort Lauderdale to property he owned, again beach front property. By the end of March Michael was blind and slowly losing his hearing.

By mid April the Kaposi Scarcoma had entered his brain and his mind was rapidly leaving him. It was some of the hardest months of my life. There were some odd infections and two rounds of double pneumonia and by the end of October weighing 90 pounds he was dead. I turned 21 that November.

After Michael died and the week before my birthday I tried to commit suicide. 1,000 sleeping pills and a carafe of Russian Vodka. A friend, who since then has also died of AIDS, found me and my stomach was pumped. I was in Betty Ford for a period of time and moved home and went back to high school.

The high school story is in itself a long story that maybe one day I will talk about, but today is not the day for that story. December of that same year, a week before Christmas I was raped by a childhood "friend" who discovered or thought I was gay. He felt I needed to be "broken in" as he said with a gun to my head. Again another very long story, that sooner or later I will talk about.

That sent me into a whirlwind. My second suicide attempt happened and once again the same friend found me overdosed and near dead. I skipped treatment that time and suffered from an emotional breakdown. I didn't speak to anyone for three months, not one single word to anyone.

By June of 1988 I had graduated from High school, keep in mind I was 21 and I went back. I also came clean with my parents finally that I was gay, that I had been raped and by whom. My life was an unending mess. I did not date anyone after Michael died and the rape just compounded the matter. I wasn't comfortable being gay after that and it sent me into YEARS of extensive therapy.



When I finally started dating again I was 23 and I fell in love with a man I met at a Metropolitan Church in Cleveland. He was our church pianist and lead the choir. He swept me off my feet and very shortly after we met I moved to Cleveland. We had an efficiency apartment downtown in the Chesterfield Apartment building and I got a job at Burrow Brothers.

Shortly moving in, the romance wore off and he started abusing me. It was verbal abuse, it was emotional abuse, it was sexual abuse and yes it was physical abuse as well. In the eleven months we were together we moved 13 times. His abuse is what in part lead to all the moves, he was also so loud and he was so destructive. He drank and when drunk beyond words the violence reached its worst levels. I was constantly covered in bruises.

I would beg not to have him hit me in the face or to leave visible bruises because I was still in retail sales. Finally I woke up and I realized I deserved better and left. I guess I share all of this background because it all plays a part into my biggest mistake of my life.

Needless to say I was at the bottom of the barrel after those eleven months and I didn't care about anything anymore at all. I came to this place where I felt I had to prove to myself that the lies I was told in those elven months were not true.

I had to prove I was talented, prove I was smart, prove I was handsome, prove I was desirable sexually, prove I was (and pardon this) good in bed. All things after 11 months of abuse I did not believe about myself. I started drinking heavily. Drinking more than I had ever drank before, I stumbled into using marijuana, using that heavily as well and I fell into a very old habit of using prescription pain killers. It was, I have to admit, a lethal combination. It lead to the only drug experimenting I ever did. For the most part mostly uppers, downers, speed and I hate admitting this even tired coke twice.

That lead to, and this is very hard to admit, and something I NEVER TALK ABOUT EVER, my discovering the gay bath house circuit. For those unfamiliar with gay bath houses it was primarily an Eighties and somewhat Nineties phenomenon where gay men went to have anonymous sex with other men. I went fairly often and always drunk and excessively high, with no inhibitions. In that state of drugs, booze and pills I felt gorgeous for the first time in my life. I won't go into detail, as I am way to private , what exactly I did or didn't do there and you didn't come to my blog to read about that anyway.

Friends at the time pointed out that I was a HUGE risk for getting AIDS, considering I had a lover who had died of it and I was more or less the town whore. By June of 1991 I was very ill, lost 50 pounds, was fainting at work and finally went for the very first time to get tested for AIDS.

You all know the story from there July 16th, 1991 I found out I was HIV positive and a year later after my first round of pneumonia I had AIDS.

I regret falling into becoming the alcoholic, pill popping gay man who had to prove himself worthy by having sex. I regret having AIDS. I lost who I was and until recently lived a "lost life", AIDS controlling every facet of my life and losing who Charlie Dale really was deep down. I never gave myself the chance to find out who I was with out the pills or booze before getting AIDS and I certainly lived my life in that shadow.

I know this has been a lengthy post an a completely raw, uncomfortable and emotional post to read but I felt finally I needed to talk about it. Face it head on and for you taking the time to read it I appreciate your time.

Until next time I am so glad we had this time together.  Jim thinks after hearing this post that I need to talk about letting the past go and finally living the life I want and lving presently.  I would be interested in hearing what you think.

The man I want to be........

Well first of all I have to thank all of my Facebook friends for the wonderful feedback, support, love and encouragement about my post yesterday. It means the world to me knowing that all of you who come here, read what I am thinking and than take the time to respond.  Especially after yesterday's raw entry.  Well unto today's real post..... The man I want to be.

The man I want to be is 40 pounds lighter than what I currently am.  Somehow in over a year I have not been able to lose one single pound and if I have to be honest I hate how much I weigh.  It makes me feel older than I am and it feeds my insecurity big time because I feel so unattractive. I would like to be more fit than what I am as well, maybe train to run a marathon when I turn 45 next year. That would be a hell of a goal huh.

The man I want to be will have his degree in fashion with a minor in writing.  It will mean everything to me to finally have proven to myself that I am smart enough to have a college degree. Than to pursue a career in that degree.  Something my family does not understand at all never will. There are many reasons why I have lived most of my life thinking I am dumb and maybe one of these days I will blog about it.

The man I want to be will no longer be insecure about how he looks, about if people will like him or not and he will be comfortable with who he really is. I have heard it said, that you can not really love those around you fullyuntil you fully love yourself.  I would like to be that man.

The man I want to be will be financially secure. Not filthy rich, but comfortable enough that I won't have to worry how am I going to pay the bills everymonth.  I have taken steps to do this I feel by being back in school and opening a savings account.

The man I want to be, will once and for all be comfortable with his spiritual faith something I have battled for years.  Comfortable enough in that faith not to worry what others think about it.  This journey has been a long painful one and is another topic I should sooner or later talk about here.

The man I want to be is one who will fully embrace the idea that he could have another 19 years or more to his life like his doctor says he has.  This is going to be a huge issue for me as for the last 19 years I feel as if I have lived on borrowed time. Until recently I had no huge plans for my future, because I never thought I would have one.

The man I would like to be is that type of man that when he speaks, people really listen.  Like E.F. Hutton if you will.  I want what I say to really move people, make them think and maybe to a degree challenge what they think they know. I don't wanttobe the type where when I speak people roll their eyes as they walk away.

I want to be the type of man who has let the past go once and for all and live for the present.  Echardt Tolle belives all we have is the here and now with nothing more.  I want to make the moment count and matter no matter what.

I know this sounds like a huge list of things to accomplish and hopefully to some degree some of these things I am already doing.

The last two posts have been helpful to me by just publicly saying what I have thought for years and have never been able to put a voice to.  Last night during the Miss Universe Pagent Ms. Phillippines was asked what her biggest mistake has been.  she left the question unanswered by saying that there was nothing she regretted.  With that thought in mind I am going to brave that question here.

Until next time I am so glad we had this time together.

What I really see when I look in the mirror.......

A blog I read a while back spoke of what we see ourselves as. What we see in the mirror, when we look at ourselves. The things I am sure no one else sees in us but us. It can be painful, emotional, spiritual and above all else it can all be a bunch of lies.

While going through some things today I found some old pictures of me as a little kid which is what led me to do today's post. The picture off to the left is of me at six years old which was 1972. That little boy is who I see in the mirror every single time I spend more than five minutes looking at myself.

For me it is very painful to the very core of my being. I grew up in farm country in Geauga County, Ohio and we as they say were "dirt poor" the son of a nineteen year old mother in her second marriage and also the son of an abusive father. A child who knew at the time of this photograph that he was different than other boys but wasn't sure exactly what it was.

A little boy who could write and draw with both hands until he was in kindergarten, when his teacher tied his left hand behind his back to his chair to force him to be right handed. Little boys need to only use one hand you know, and their right hands so they are in their right minds. A little boy who was deathly afraid of the dark. A little boy who couldn't fall asleep without his teddy bear. A little boy who had an awful lisp till he was eleven.

A little boy who desperately wanted "Mrs. Beasley" the doll and Barbie. A little boy who used dollies and pillow cases to drape "clothes" over his stuffed toys so they could play dress up and he could make believe they were all filthy rich. A little boy whose father was never home when he was awake until he eight years old, because he worked so many double shifts.

A little boy whose favorite play theme was "beauty queen". He would get his radio flyer wagon and put a cement block in it and then would spend all morning gathering these little tiny white flowers that grew on weeds that looked like miniature daisies. The wagon would be overflowing with them all but the seat and after lunch with an old blanket and a broken plastic flower pot would play "Rose Parade Queen" and wave to the invisible throng of loving fans adoring him.

The little boy who had to be "mommas big man" and help with everything she did so "daddy" would be happy and became in the process "the perfect housewife". The little boy who feared his father so that he NEVER hung around him. A little boy who most nights cried himself to sleep.

The little boy who got one pair of shoes at the school year and they had to last till June, the rest of the time he went barefoot. Cardboard in the bottoms if they wore out. New clothes for school but ALWAYS from Goodwill and the rare dress shirt from Montgomery Wards in Cuyahoga Falls. If they wore then his momma would sew patches on them, till they were nearly rags.

The little boy who was told he could do anything if he tried hard enough or worked hard enough but never really ever given the confidence to try to be something more than his was. "People don't get better than what they are, they just survive somehow.

It is what I see, sad thing is that little boy as a man is still afraid of the dark, still sleeps with a teddy bear, still is afraid of his father and still has a distant relationship with him. That man is afraid of any confrontation, rocking the boat and especially of not being "liked". There are still nights he cries himself to sleep. That man is still the insecure six year old boy.

That man is me---I can't believe I said all of that. Maybe I needed to. Maybe I needed to say it to let it go. Maybe now by being in school again I can become the man I want to be. With that said, that will be tomorrow's post..... the man I want to be.

Until next time I am so glad we had this time together.

John Galliano Mens Fall/Winter 2010/2011 Full Show (Part 1)

John Galliano Fall?winter 2010/2011 part one

10yrs of Dior Couture by John Galliano Pt. 4

The Fourth and final part of the 10th Anniversary celebration of John Galliano for Christian Dior. I hope you have enjoyed seeing this as much as I have, I was left utterly inspired do something EXQUISITE!

10yrs of Dior Couture by John Galliano Pt. 3

Part 3 of the 10 year anniversary of John Galliano for Dior. Held in 2007

10yrs of Dior Couture by John Galliano Pt. 2

Part 2 of the John Galliano 10 year anniversary show, som eo f the most exquisite couture around!

10yrs of Dior Couture by John Galliano Pt. 1

Japanese Inspired couture by on eof my all time favorite designers John Galliano and his celebrating 10 years at Dior.

Dior haute couture creations

The Making of a Chanel Haute Couture Outfit

Givenchy - Haute Couture Fall Winter 2010/2011 - Presentation

News of the day

Well today was my visit to the urologist about my current kidney stone and the whole visit was no more than 6 minutes long.  he thing is I am surehe charged Medicaid/Medicare $150, oh well.  He believes I will pass it on my own.  Drink lots of waterand if the pain gets to unbearable call me sounds like the advice I got at the hospital.  Anyway the painkillers keep me pretty groggy and I am somewhat of a space cadet but belive it or not I am geting some work done.
The work that has been is for the most part doll work that I am behind in and I want deperately done before school starts if I can.  I am also waiting to hear from a gay fraternity at KSU about Rush Week.  It would be nice to make some new friends, and I am really looking forward to school starting.  It is going to be nice to be back on campus.

In other news I also got invited to be part The National Society of Leadership and Success, because of my good standing when it comes to my grades.  I was very flattered, I don't know that much about it but I am going to do my best to get the most out of it.  It's the type of person I am.

I have to admit though I am somewhat blue because the Chesterton, Indiana Wizard of Oz Festival is coming up and I am not able to attend I agreed almost a year ago to give up te festival so I could save the money to study abroad at KSU.  I know in the long run it will pay off but I am really going to miss the festival and all of the firends I catch up with at the festival.  Oh well, maybe I will hit the lotto and can do both.

My thoughts on the Ground Zero Mosque

I am sure all of you have already heard about the idea of building a mosque near the Ground Zero area.  You can't hardly escape all the talk about it. I also bet you have heard all of the hype that goes along with this, including what President Obama has said or not said.  I originally was not going to blog about this, but the more I got to thinking about it I wanted to go on record and say exactly what I think.

First of all this whole idea of the "Ground Zero area" is a sacred space is sheer bullshit.  With a strip club/tittie bar near there, a betting parlor in the same area and one of your average tourist shops in the area this is by no means sacred ground, if it were these things wouldn't exist inside the sacred at least in my opinion. It would be like having a swingers club housed on the grounds of the Vatican.

Secondly, there were Muslims killed at Ground Zero as well.  I really feel that the actions of a few militant Muslims have given a really bad impression of all Muslims.  But nobody thinks of it that way, I mean honestly Rev. Fred Phelps and his group have done scores to bring about bad feelings for the Right Wing Conservative Militant--yet nobody talks about it.  Isn't amazing we always tend to focus on the negative.

Thirdly, Muslims as well as anyone else has the right to religious freedom and the right to assembly, it is after all a constitutional right, is it not?  No side bar that says everybody except...... you fill in the blank.  Religion for many can and is a healing process and just because we may not fully understand the Muslim faith does that give us the right to judge it?  Hell, I don't fully understand all of Catholicism but it doesn't make an entire religion wrong or absurd does it.

Lastly, and probably the most controversial thing I will say, this group of people has every right to build this facility anywhere including but not limited to Ground Zero.  Just as everyone else here in America has the right to build anything anywhere.  If this group of people wanted to build their Mosque on the White House Lawn they have the right to plan that.  Will a Mosque on the White House Lawn happen, probably not---will a Mosque happen near Ground Zero?  In my opinion hopefully it will.  It could serve as a place of healing, insight, research and spiritual awakening.  We just have to open our minds, our thoughts and allow everyone the rights and privileges some of demand to have on a regular basis and yet we are so willing to take away from those we do not agree with.  Just my thoughts.

So glad we had this time together.

Vogue China

The photographs I found online are I believe in the current Vogue China.  The photographs on the sides of the Chinese women are actual photographs of the outfits from the actual Haute Couture runway shows.  Personally I think the Chinese Vogue photogrpahs are much more beautiful.  I do hope you enjoy them as much as I do.  Until next time I am so glad we had this time together.

Eat, Pray, Love Response and a very long night

I want to start this blog with my personal promised response to the movie "Eat, Pray, Love'.  I  walked away from this incredible movie with this very simple realization, that one my biggest life obstacles is that I have not been able to forgive myself.  You may ask, forgive yourself of what?  This may some crazy to some of you but there is a very short list of things that I feel I need to forgive myself  of.

1.  I need to forgive myself that I made some major wrong decisions that led to my becoming HIV positive.  I know by saying that, that I have opened the very inner workings of my soul to all of you my readers.  That this admission leaves me very vulenerable.  I was after Michael died, and I was 22, in a very physically, emotionally, physically and sexually abusive relationship taht lasted ten months.  At one point I was locked and barricaded into a broom closet for four dayswith nothing.  That kind of abuse leaves you believeing the lies you are told about yourself.  For me it also left me needing to prove to myself I was not only attractive but also needed, and loved even if it was just for that brief moment of being in another's arms.  It left me thelowest I have ever been.

2.  This one I feel is much bigger than the previous one and that is forgiving myself that I have simply have survived when nearly all of my HIV positive friends have not.  Death in itself is something none of us can escape, everyone sooner or later does it.  Death also though takes something from those of us who suffer the loss of someone near to us.  Multiply that feeling  by hundreds and you can begin to understand how devasted and empty it leaves you.  You can begin to see how survivors guilt begins.  I am not saying I want to die, I am saying that for me it has been difficult understanding why I haven't and than trying to figure out the purpose I need to accomplish.

This is my response to "Eat, Pray, Love" that I need to forgive themost important person in my life, me!  By forgiving myself I can fully be my authentic self.

Last night was a very long night as I spent it at Mercy Hospital Emergency Room with another round of Kidney stones in the nearly 20 year sof living with AIDS I have had kidney stones now19 times.  all medication related and somehow I have passed them all.   Wearrivedat 10:30 p.m. last night and finally got home at 6 a.m. What a night!  A brand new medication for the pain and a contact to see a new doctor and I say this because I hoping you all will join me in praying tha I pass it before the end of the month when school starts.  Well until next time, I am so glad we had this time together.

News for the day

Well last night was date night for us and we had dinner at Anthe's in Manchester, and kids if you have never been the food is out of this world terrific your tongue will do cartwheels.  After dinner I treated Jim to "Eat, Pray, Love" at the movies of course.  Neither Jim nor I have read the book but after the movie it is now at the top of my must read list.  What a great movie, what an inspiring story and the visuals are just stunning.  A MUST SEE movie in my opinion.

This afternoon Jim and I went to Little Italy (Cleveland West side) for the Feast of the Assumption.  We had this incredible dinner I had the clams and linguini, my big gluten sin for the month.  And piggie me at every last drop it .  There was the horrid almost monsoon rain for about a half hour which we got utterly drench in and now I am sneezing my head off.  Other than that a really great time.

I want to take some time tomorrow and blog about what I walked away feeling about "Eat, Pray, Love".  So until next time I am so glad we had this time together.

"Eat Pray Love - Unforgettable"

Lady Gaga

I am sure that some of you who read this blog already know about the news I am about to report on.  Lady Gaga is on the cover of the upcoming Vanity Fair.  Inside Lady Gaga is au natural.  Absolute fierceness personified.  Everything she does is just the right thing at the right moment, at least for me.  Ever since I saw one of her perfomance on an award show I have been seriously hooked.  Besides the music which is beyond timeless fierceness is the clothing and stage outfits Lady Gaga wears. Designed by her own "house of designers" again everything just is perfect, again my opinion.

This is at the top of my must purchase items when it is finally on the stands and is one of the most fashion forward things going on right now. So of course I included the photographs.

The last few days hae been really hard because of the extreme heatwave we are having again but somehow I have managed to work some work done.  A fair amount of work I might.  G-d I wish we had central air.   Well until next time I am so glad we had this time together.

Silence

Some people search their entire lives for silence

That space where the can find who they really are

Connect with what they really want and what they need

My question is when you have all this silence

You have the answers to those questions

You know it in the depths of your soul

But the silence lingers endlessly

The answers overwhelm you

You can't change the impossible.

What then? Do you do anything at all?

Do you even care anymore?

Do you try for something bigger and better?

Or do you flee? 

Maybe that is why the silence lingers.

Vogue Italia

I know its been a few days again since posts but life somehow got out of hand. I have been depressed the last few days which has really stood in my way and I really didn't feel like blogging. Because than I would have to admit to it, which would mean writing about and I hate being a "Gloomy Gladys".

Today I paid the balance for my three fall classes that my Pell Grant doesn't cover. So I can't wait for classes to start and to be back on campus.

There seems to be so much happening in the fashion world right now I want to try to cover some of the "hottest" topics in my opinion. Again just this gay guys opinions and god knows this "gurl" can be opinionated !

Vogue Italia the August 2010 issue has what many feel is a way to controversial photo shoot. Its called "Oil and Water" and before I get in to my thoughts on this I want to show you the pictures...

OK, with the Gulf Coast Oil Tragedy still very fresh in all of our minds, and the actual real damage done to the water, the land, the habitat, the animals this is the HOTTEST topic still in many circles. At least in my mind. While many find the pictures disturbing and "in very poor taste", I find the pictures graphically real and brutally honest. I also find that it blatently addresses the "overall lack of true emotional regret" that BP had in regards to this issue and until overall corporate gives a f*&k about us the consumer this tragedy or something even worse will happen again.  Ok I am off my soap box.  I am so glad we had this time together---until next time

So graphic that it just skims the surface of the overall real tragedy of this catastrophe. While incredibly beautiful and alarming creepy this makes fashion very relevant and brings a very stark and honest light to this issue of this specific tragedy. Sometimes, someone has to come a long and slap us right across the face with an issue and this is the case here, I applaud that tremendously. Bravo Vogue Italia.

Emotional Verbal Abuse: Friend or Foe?

A Difficult Post for a Difficult and Awkward Night

This is going to be the most difficult post that I have done in this blog to date.  It deals with so many different issues that have permeated my entire life, I am not even sure if I could accurately capture everything I want to try to say or need to say so the weight of these circumstances are conveyed accurately.

July 31st came and went in my personal life quietly enough, that date is my parents wedding anniversary.  I know you are already wondering how on earth this becomes my most difficult post.  Well my parents have married for 45 years and quiet frankly they never should have never been married that long in the first place.

I am sure somewhere along the way they really loved each other, even cared deeply for each other.  From what I remember of that period of most of my childhood is the mental, emotional and verbal abuse that my father used all of us, but primarily on my mother.  The majority of my childhood and early adult life I feared my father more than anything else, the real monster in the closet.  There were points where my mother temporarily left my father and we were placed in a "safe place" only to go back into that environment.  She has always felt she never had any way out.  She felt she couldn't support us on her own, and we will never know for sure if she could or not.  That process repeated itself over and over at least four times.

Earlier today my mother called wanting to get together for dinner to "celebrate" their anniversary so we said yes, what else was I suppose to do?  Most of me sat there vividly remembering that painful past, that seems like just like yesterday.  I wonder has the dynamic changed, now that my parents are older and in very ill health.  I wonder if my mother has forgiven him?  I wonder if my mother regrets staying all these years?  I wonder does the past ever cross either of their minds?  I wonder does any of it matter now to either of them?

Its hard trying sitting on your emotions while eating supper.  Its hard finding an anniversary card that isn't all romance, flowers and rainbows.  Well I did both things, I sat smiling, making small talk one more time and now I sit and blog about it, emotionally a wreck.  Maybe, I will revisit these ideas and this post in a few days and go more into emotionally what all of this means to me.

Until then I am so glad I am so glad we had this time together.

Happy Belated Birthday Martha

You know I love a good diva as much as the next gay guy and my lifetime idol has always been, and always will be the ever glamorous, utterly charming and delightful Martha Stewart.

Martha Stewart (who turned 69 yesterday) is one of those people you either love or hate - I happen to fall into the " uber idol worship love" category. She's a uber perfectionist, she's uber pretentious, and she can be an uber biatch - but Martha embraces all of these character traits and has made an uber fortune because of them and many a gay man alive worship her for it. Martha Stewart doesn't try to be something she's not, which has worked quite well for her thus far and since prison has become quite humorous.

And let's not forget that Ms. Stewart served 5 months in federal prison (on some uber B.S. charges I might add) without crying or moaning about any of it - unlike these uber messy D-list starlets who sob at the thought of a WEEKEND in lockup. Martha could teach Lindsay a thing or two about "manning up and taking one for the better good" - and then she could show her how to make a lovely dried floral arrangement for her foyer.

You may also want to check out my post a few years back when I actually got to meet the domestic goddess near my birthday.  It was a chance experience I will never forget and Martha, left me a bigger fan than ever before.  So Martha, dahling if your listening I hope your birthday was just as uber fab-u-lous just as you are--love ya, always will.

Anyway, check out this video of outtakes/bloopers from Martha Stewart's TV show, when things didn't go exactly as Martha had planned...

Kristen Chenoweth Popular