daddy- noun, plural daddies, verb- daddied, daddying
1. A diminutive of dad
2. Slang- sugar daddy
Origin 1490-1500
3. An informal word for father.
4.Slang chiefly-- the daddy the supreme or finest example: the daddy of them all.
5. The dominant male in a group; boss, top man.
6. In gay terminology- an older gay man who often seeks younger boys.
A. Dominating or aggressive gay men with experience.
What brought this post about, well its a few things. I realized recently that if I had fathered a child when I was eighteen, my child would be approaching thirty and in all reality if that child produced an heir at eighteen, I would be the grandfather of a twelve year old. Granted scenarios like this only play out in stereotypes of the deep South, but it is partly what got me thinking.
The other thing, and the year element is Gay Pride, Cleveland, Ohio this year. I was walking beside a friend who was in drag, in a convertible and I have known for nearly twenty-five years (see picture to the side) and working that flag to a frenzy waving it all around my body. Girl, I was spinning around in circles dancing to the music and, well, just having a big gay ole time.Anyhow, when the parade turned unto West Ninth Street, this hot young man comes running off the sidewalk right to me and into my arms. He gives me this huge hug, a kiss on the side of my check and says "I just love a daddy full of pride and daddy your working it-Woof". Honest to good, I 'm not making this up.
Well, first of all I was flattered that this boy who I was old enough to be his father--he was mid-to-late-twenties found me hot! Granted I have lost 50 pounds since last year, and granted I have new, and incredible teeth--thank you dentures but me a HOT Daddy?!
As you may imagine, this is the first time I have ever been called a daddy, and granted I have my share of hot guys-- hello'er how else did I end up in the situation that is my life that is HIV-- and honey the list is rather long--anywhore-- opps, anyhow where was I. Oh yeah <lol> being called a daddy. I had my looks in my twenties, maybe early thirties but I was never a Abercrombie & Fitch model, but I thought considering all of the facts:
1. I am 47years old.
2. I have had AIDS twenty-three years
3. I'm bald
4. Still slight chubby, by gay standards of true beauty
5. I have false teeth and bifocals
I have days where I do feel at the least cute, in a passable way, and I do dress a good portion of the time to kill. But, kittens, I can't tell you the last time anyone made a pass at me. Sad but true. Frankly I was flattered as hell, and well the "boy" went back to the sidewalk, the parade and I --- well kept moving. I know stupid me.
Anyhow, it wasn't until recently that I got to thinking; OK, Charlie when did you go from being a boy yourself to being a "Daddy"? Have I now become old enough to have the younger lover, and not the older one anymore? Is it considered passe to still have the older lover at this stage of my life or is being a daddy expected?
Then I got to thinking, OK, my partner, of 10 wonderful years, who died in 2002 would now be 65. So he was 55 when he died and I was 36. Means he was 45 when he met me and I was 26. WOW! two years younger than what I am right now! Talk about the wheels beginning to spin.
I never called him Daddy, never treated him like a daddy; but in many ways he could have passed for my Dad, who is 72 and my mother who is 66. He was my best friend, besides my lover--someone who knew everything about me and still loved me no matter what. Trusted him completely, could complete his sentences---but, now I wonder did the gay community see him as my daddy? Not that I really care, but I do wonder about it.
I've always dated or been in relationships with older men. Sure I've slept with my share of younger ones (always legal of course,so don't get any stereotypical ideas there), and guys my same age but anything worth while has been an age span of at least 16 years or more.
What if that rule was flipped and I dated 31 year-old guys? Would gay society then view me as the daddy? Would I care? Does it even matter?
What qualifies as a change from "boyhood", if you will, to daddyhood? Is it merely age, is it merely appearance or is it something more? Maybe character, experience, the you carry yourself, they way you're perceived, they way you dress? Exactly what is it and who defines it? Is it we ourselves who make the transition and call ourselves daddy or is it some hot "boy"? Can "boyhood" still be embraced as you approach 50, 60? Is it even possible? Or is boyhood something you discard like your childhood toys; or can it be determined just like being a daddy?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this, and in the mean time I think I am going to try and figure out if I am truly a Daddy after all?
Good bye, BOYS! <smirk>
