Some new thoughts

Well the weekend was very nice, but tiring as not use trying to keep up with an eight year old. My brother, nephew and I all went and saw "The Bee Movie" which was in all accounts very good for a young crowd as well as those of us who are older. Jokes the kids got and jokes that the adults got but were still funny for the kids as well.

Jim and I set up tree one of the three Christmas trees we usually set up for the holidays--its a 6 foot one that is covered in my 16 years of Hallmark Barbie Ornament collecting. I am one of those people who like to have all the Christmas decorations up and done before Thanksgiving so the holiday season can be rather seamless, I have been like that for years. I am also the type for very good friends of mine call me "Martha" in reference to Martha Stewart--in how I like to entertain, decorate and then there is the whole crafty thing as well. So meeting her last year for me was just and ENORMOUS Good Thing--and shared with her how friends call me "Martha" I can not believe it has been almost a year since meeting her.

This afternoon I spent 2 hours at the nursing home teaching some of the residents how to rubber stamp with stuff I had and then they got to keep the cards they made--it was really a nice change form the every day routine--There was doll work this morning as as is for most mornings. At times I wish I could break free from the repair part of it and just do my own type and style of dolls but I guess it will come in time.

This month as many of you know is my birthday--actually on the sixteenth and I will be 41 and although there is a very big part of me that is very grateful to be alive still the question is why--when so many of my friends living with AIDS never saw their 40th birthday. It makes me wonder what is there to achieve yet--what am I suppose to do yet that I have not done--how much longer have I got? How am I going to spend my time and will I ever make my hearts deepest wishes come true?

You may ask what that wish is--in all honesty for the longest time I thought I wanted to be a big successful doll designer and there is still a huge part of me that does want that--I want the comfortable life--at least financially comfortable part. I would also love the fame part of it and have wanted that aspect of it since I was a small child. I know I have the drive to make it happen--I just need that one chance, to have all my dreams come true. Will I ever get it--I don't know, would I give anything to have it--absolutely, positively no doubt in my mind at all--no questions asked!! I don't think it is all that much to ask in all honesty--others have and can get it, why shouldn't I?

There was a point in my life where I wanted nothing more than to big a huge success in the fashion design arena, and to some degree that would work as well--although today if given the chance I would kill to work for Broadway! Then there was the point were I wanted to be this huge successful Drag Queen/Female Impersonator and possibly work the incompressible Frank Marino at La Cage at the Mirage Hotel and Casino in Vegas--do I still have it--that is a good question--I haven't been in women's shoes in 5 years--I know if I did I could do it and still give anything to make it happen. Just give me a break somewhere!!


THE INCREDIBLE JIM BAILEY------- DIVA