Some thoughts to share......

I wanted to take the time and share some of what I have been learning from "A New Earth" with all of you. The journey in finding out who I really am has been an amazing, eye opening one. So the following is some of the things in the last 4 weeks I have learned or am trying to learn. These are just from Chapter 1.....

1). The place of stillness is where all creative means come from, while getting rid of the "exterior noise" creates the stillness from within.

2). You can not just rely on your thinking to create something that is meaningful you should also trust your initial impulses once you develop an instinct.

3). You should release anxiety about today, tomorrow and forever. Be present in the moment and only this moment, perceive the stillness.

4). This next one is a direct quote from the book "Man made G-d in his own image the eternal, the infinite and unnameable was reduced to a mental idol that you had to believe in and worship as my G-d or our G-d". Out of this comes the following thoughts.....

4a). Religion can be a closed door to deeper exploration for many people especially when you adopt "I believe.... and this "IS THE ONLY WAY" it than becomes an ideology--than it becomes that closed door. For many years this was my case in what I was raised in religiously, but I was one from the very beginning questioned everything and still do.

4b). There are certainly many more paths to G-d other than Christianity. I for one have always been fascinated by the other paths/ideas/religions/beliefs. I know that is what led me to this book. We have to take G-d out of the box, go beyond what we think we know and believe and discover the vastness, the total hugeness that is G-d/consciousness.

Chapter 2

1). Our story--the what has happened to us, what we are dealing with, our roles, our jobs --the surface reality--become the who "we are" the whole of us. In reality we "the real us" is not any of those things. Its just a memory, a bundle of thoughts--it is a mental image that becomes "yourselves" and isn't. Than who I am is the real question--a question we should ask yourselves frequently and we should leave the question blank.

1a). For me that has been my identifying my entire life with my illness. To release the power of identifying with it and release the power of the disease in my life Eckart says we should no longer talk about the illness to friends and family because it empowers the illness and the ego of the illness. I should simply say I am doing everything In can do to find healing. You of course need to talk with your doctor openly and honestly, you of course need to follow your drug or alternative therapy program. But like holding a grudge, or constantly fighting the more we do it the power it has and in the case of illness when we do that we become the sick person. We must allow ourselves to be feed by our own inner energy, MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE PRESENT MOMENT.

This of course has been the hardest thing to do and to accept what it happening physically now and not give it the power to overcome me and "become me". With that said I would llike to finish and ask all of you to take time and pray for me as the pains I was having the first of this month have returned and for now are worse than before. I am going to try to get into the doctor tomorrow to see if it is as the thought the first of this month internal shingles.

Pics from Christmas

Things here have been busy here trying to play catch up from the month I lost, last month but it is beginning to show signs of improvement. Four jobs done in the last few days plus countless errands--do they ever end?

Wondering if any one saw my post about "A New Earth" a few days ago and if any of you are reading it like I am? I would really love to hear from you if you are, and what you are experiencing it. For me it has changed my thinking--my perceptions, my expectations.

My father's eldest brother died day before St. Patrick's Day and being the very large Irish family we are his children have opted for a grave side military service. He--my uncle this is-- was 88. Same as my maternal grandmother was when she died. With customers already booked for that day I am unable to attend but I am O.K. with that and my father understands.

Jim is waiting to hear about a new part time job with Visiting Nurses and I am hoping as well as he is that he gets the job. He has been so unhappy where is now for so long he deserves the change in my opinion.

I know Easter is this weekend and Spring is around the corner but I just got figured how to get my pictures off my digital camera unto my computer and I wanted to share the doll I made for Akron's Children Hospital at Christmas time and their big fund raiser they do every year. It is usually all Christmas trees and some other items and of course being the doll person I am and the Oz collector I am I had to combine the two together in this wonderful creation I called "Dreams of Oz".


It is of course an Ashton Drake "Baby Emily" that I did the re-borning process on and than made the removable dress, diaper, pantaloons, and crocheted the slippers in deep Burgundy yarn.

The Lion is than made out of some old material I had laying around including that mane which used to be an old collar on a coat I picked up. He is fully jointed--child safety of course, child safety black eyes and embroidered mouth and nose. His tail material matches with a cute fur piece at the end of it. He is actually made as Dorthy's bed-time friend.


The quilt is all hand made by me as well and was also fabric I had laying around and is all hand embroidered. The main print is this tiny red flower not poppies my my salute to them as well and of course the yellow--need I say more . Four panels in all in Classic Red work my salute to the Ruby Slippers if you will and the all characters from the books/movie. By the way it did sell--YEAH.

I wanted to show these as I haven't shown a lot of my work here lately and I know some of you enjoy when I do and that may be why you visit my site. I don't want to seem as I am "tooting my own horn" if you will or add to my ego but I do like having all of you in my life to share it.

Fragile Nature of Life

Well gang I want to "vent" some of my feelings ona heavy topic today--that of death. My cat of the last 9 years at least died this early afternoon. He was a kitten that was found in the streets of Iraq during "Desert Storm" by Ron's daughter (for those who don't know my pervious who died of AIDS now 5 years ago). I got J.C. short for Jean Claude--yes Van Damme she is a huge fan--when she meet her future husabnd and father of her children as he was allergic to J.C. as well as both boys.

As far as cats go he had a very spoiled, wonderful life and in all actuality almost died right after Ron did as he was so sorrowful without his "Daddy". He did perk up and did recover and I became his "Daddy" in stead of his "Mommy" .

He has been really sick the last 4-5 days and I knew his time with me and Jim was limited but as with human life one never knows exactly when someone is going to die. J.C., I am happy to say died peacefully in the dog's bed and just died sleeping.

The part that had me upset (for lack of better words) is that I was not there when he exactly died. It dug up some very old and painful memories of my losing Ron. As many of you know Ron truly suffered for 11 days before dying and when he finally did die it was the one time I didn't sleep at his side in a chair.

I have never been able to forgive myself for that, probably may not be able to either--I am stil not sure. It makes me scared though that when it comes time for me to die that "that someone in my life" will have just stepped out of the room for that moment and I will die.

I do know after thinking about it most of the day today that G-d already knows the answer to this, that to some extent it is already planned and just waiting to happen. I also know that all I can do is fill my life with people who really care for me and when the time comes for me to die that who ever needs to there will be and those who don't won't. Life is short as it is and I for one want to make it matter.

My "Ah ha" moment

Well I have had my "ah ha" moment as Oprah calls it from the Eckart Tolle Book " A New Earth" it happened in Monday nights class. ".....You then unconscioucly cling to the illness becaus eit has beome the most important part of who you perceive yourself to be. It has become another thought form with which the ego can identify".

Eckardt's thinking on this that our experiences in life, our story, our roles, my identity has become the "I" that I am at least in my head and in my thinking --when in reality it is not and we are not being our true selves. So in this regard I have been identified AS my illness. To overcome this and become the true "I" that I am I should no longer talk about my illness to friends and family. Simply say that I am doing everything I can right now to heal myself.

By doing anything else--talking, arguing, feeding into or discussing my illness or for that manner anything negative in my life we simply empower that which is wrong in our lives and it becomes "us". The final thought that really struck home Monday night was that "this unhappy self is NOT who I am"

It has been a real wake up call for me, it has changed my views on things--it makes sense on so many different levels. It is as though I have lived the bulk of my life as something I really am not and now as of today and this moment I want to live the life that truly am.

I want to encourage you that if you are in the time and place that you want or need awakening "A New Earth" is the book for you.

I have gotten some incredible of doll work done here lately and the apprasial part here lately has really taken off, which can be a very good thing. Tommorrow I meet a lady to sell her mother's doll collection on E-bay. I believe it is around 40 pieces.

So keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I approach this new job

I saw this on Youtube a few days ago and just loved it--yes kids that is a man and yes that is his OWN voice! I am no longer doubtful of what I am livin' for!!

HUGE snow storm and Echardt Tolle

I know it has been quiet a few days since I done any entries but it seemed like there for a while all I was doing was complaining and that is the last thing want this site to be about. I wanted to try to stay somewhat positive at the least and for the time I was not "blogging" I just couldn't, hopefully all of you my readers understnad that.

Well my friend from California Alex arrived last night--of all night as we were hammered with damn near 6 inches of snow and white out conditions yesterday. What normally is a half hour drive took an hour and the roads--OY were does one begin to describe the horrible mess they were. But I arrived to the depot and home again all safe and sound.

It has continued to snow all day here non-stop and as of right now we have over 2 feet of the white stuff and yet we are how far from "christian" Easter? Think its going to be a white one thank heavens Passover is almost a month later and hopefully we will have really nice weather.

Question for everybody, anybody else reading Eckhardt Tolle's "A New Earth" and taking the online Oprah class? I am, and so far have really loved it, if you haven't as of yet I strongly recommend it, it is worth your while.

If you are reading it I would love your thoughts on the book and what you are getting from it--your "ah ha" moments as Orpah calls them. I have been mulling over the thought of sharing what I am learning in general and about myself from reading this--I should say if I do its going to be very unplugged, raw and real. I would like to hear from you if you think I should or shouldn't. How much do you really want to know about me??