Today's thoughts & over 2,000 hits

You know I have had so many people ask me if I have watched any of the Democratic/Republican conventions and for me the answer is a solid NO. I have made up my mind already, I did see every single debate but I am at the point I am over it all and am looking forward to November when this is all behind us as a distant memory.

I did however find this to funny Youtube video with Oz and John McCain and here it is.....



I waited to post about my visit with my general practioner as I needed time to really think things through before I talked about it. Of course if you read this blog on a regular basis you will know how hard it has been the last couple of months physically speaking for me and with latest news with the Extreme Peripheral Neuropathy and that it being in my brain to a degree has been very hard to bear. When you add to the mix that it will not be getting any better and if I over extended my self it only makes it worse even faster.

Well I mentioned all this to my General practioner and about the crippling fatigue and she looked at me-----"Why are you fighting so hard? What haven't you resolved yet" and I just lost it. I haven't cried like that in a long time and I still don't have an answer to her questions.

She felt if there were things I needed to resolve and to do so, to be at peace and if then that lead to "my ending"--as she put it--- ok. If not than at the very least I will be a peace being so sick here all the time. Which lead me to honestly say for the first time that if I was so sick like I was from November through Easter, I didn't know if I had the "fight" left to pull through it or not.

If I were like that now or worse it would be easier to understand why I feel the way I do. She proceded to say "Who is stay say you are not worse than you were than, its just a different kind of feeling and you have fought so long and so hard already, that maybe it is time for you to seriously rest. I am not saying to take matters in your on hands and end your life, I am saying if it is time andG-d needs you than you need to accept it".

I really am beginning to understand the last few days why Ron felt the way he died those last six months he was so bad, why he gave up when he lost his drive and why it went so suddenly. I have never been able to see it and I think I am beginning to. As I told Dr. Dianne I am just so tired of being so tired all the time and that it has complete reign of my life, which seems like it is slipping away.