42 years----

Well gang its here my 42nd birthday and to be honest with you I seem more depressed this year than the last two years. I was the only one at 24 who with a group of friends who found out we had AIDS, who lived to see 40. I seem to be wondering this year more than others why? I didn't think it wasn't so much of an issue the last two years as I have been so grateful just to have lived this long--gosh I need a shrink.

I did have this incredible dream last night though where I got to meet and speak with JUDY!!! It was this private intimate thing in a room, which may have been her home but we talked about her concerts, her movies, her life, her children and how saddened she was to see so many people suffering and dying from AIDS. She was so warm and funny and held my hand most of the time we talked.

The dream changed and I was in her London home very shortly after she died--the same day even I think and Mickey Deans has asked a few of her closeest and dearest friends--me one of them --to the house to have a few of her things. I had shoes, dresses, purses, hats and even jewelry. The dress in the dream I remember most is this red one with MArabou feathers at the bottom she wore at her last concert in Copenhagen.

The dream changed again and I was in Campbell's Funeral Home and Joe Luft (as a child) was holding my hand as we walked toward the casket , my sobbing uncontrollably, as we reached the point were I could almost see in I woke up.

I was in a cold sweat--almost like night sweats and crying, then all of a sudden out of the middle of no where at 2:30 in the morning I heard Judy singing "What Will I Do"



It was as if Judy was saying---Happy Birthday Kid!