Thought of the day

Ok I just finished reading "All Families Are Psychotic" by Douglas Coupland which was a very fascinating read.  There was this passage though that really hit a nerve for me.  The book for the most part is about a mother and son who are living with AIDS and then the son has an affair with his step-mother even though he doesn't realize who she is.  She in turn also becomes positive.  Any way unto the passage that moved....

"Wade, say you didn't have AIDS.  SAy you weren't sick, that you learned you had a false positive the way Beth did.' 'Mom, you've seen how far gone I am'.....'Answer my question, Wade. Pretend.'  'What would I do.'  'Yes.'  WAde considered this at some length. "I wouldn't have any excuses, would I.'

Janet herself thought about this question.  She had no time to herself since Cissy transformed her life at the restraunt.  What would the difference between death at sixty-five and death at seventy-fivez/- those ten extra years...what would that possibly mena?  Or eighty-five--twety extra years.  She'd wanted those years badly, had mourned for their loss, yet now she had them again, and she couldn't decode their implication.

She thought about her life and how lost she felt most of it.  She thought about the way that all the truths she been taught to consider valuable invariably conflicted with the world as it is actually lived.  How could a person be so utterly lost, yet remain living.  Her time with the disease had, to her surprisemade her feel lost.  That was the one thing she knew was true.  Sickness had forced her to lookfor knowledge and solace in places she might otherwise not have dreamed of,  Sickness had forced her to to meet and connect with citizens who otherwise would have remained shadows inside cars that idled beside het at red lights.  But maybe now she would continue looking for ideas she'd never dreamed of in places once forbidden--not because she had to but because she chose to--because that had proven to be the only true path out of her brittle, unlivablelife-before-death."

As you can imagine this moved me beyond words and really got me to thinking that even though the character Janet is cured of AIDS, that more or less because of advances in medication I have been given my own life.  Twenty more years of living according to the doctor, life for me really began at 43 and by g-d am I going to live it to its full whirling, screaming tilt.  So my question for you......

What would it take for you to live life to its very fullest, no worries, no concerns what others thought, and pursue your deepest wildest dreams?  Is that even possible?  Are we living a life that we don't want, don't need or don't desire.  If that is the case why are we living like that in the first place?