Down sick

If you were wondering what is going on here I have been flat on my back in bed since Monday sicker than hell.  Two trips to the Emergency Room, a doctor's visit, 4 new medications and guess what my gay ass is still in bed no better than I was on Monday.  If anything weaker than before, the twenty feet to the bathroom feel like I have walked the Great Wall of China from beginning to end.  Not sick enough according to the ER for the hospital but according to the doctor too sick for the hospital, figure that shit out OK because I have tried!  Supposedly no sign of pneumonia with the 4 chest x-rays but I feel worse than I did in June when I was in the hospital with pneumonia and menegitis--figure that shit out as well, cause I have tried.

"Supposedly" severe bronochitis" with chest spasms--- well let me tell you something it feels like 400 pounds sittting on my chest, can barely breathe which hurts like a mother, severe night sweats all day long the last 3 days running where I am changing my PJ's 3-4 times a day, this non-stop headache for the last three days and no energy to do anything at all.  I felt like a ran a marathon last night taking a shower--what the hell is up with that?

Honestly, I don't care anymore about any of it in any way shape or form!  I'm mad, I am sad, I am so fucking over it and you no something health care in this country can suck my--- well you get the idea.  Reading Paul Monette the last month or more and you know something I relate so much to his anger right now it isn't even funny, I totally get why he was so pissed off for so long at so many things, because you know something so am I.

I'm tired of being the poster boy for long term AIDS, I'm tired of no one knowing by looking at me that I am as sick as I am, I am tired of no one giving a shit, I'm tired of being Mr. Nice who doesn't say anything at all and just takes it, I'm tired of being in this god damn bed, I'm tired of being tired