A difficult post

I first want to apologize for not posting the last 14 days or more but mentally I have been in a very dark place.  I feel like I am not being heard by anyone anymore, at all in any way.  The problem I have been having walking is no better and actually I fell in the school parking lot today and it has left me very emotionally shaken as well.  Everybody seems to think it's nothing more than a pinched nerve and frankly I am sick of hearing about it.  I know there is more going on but no one is listening.

 I again have been hurt by someone I have trusted and even though they assure me "what I have imagined, has never happened", I find it difficult to believe that---How can I learn to trust when in Oprah's Life Class last week the big lesson I learnt was "When people show you or tell you what they really are, believe them the first time."  How do I not trust that instinct when this is the third time now?

I also feel like I work my butt off and then nothing much comes of it, as in regard to, it seems as if what I have done can wait.  I really don't want to talk about what this is in reference to but I have to say it is growing old, especially when you worked so very hard to get the recognition for your work.

I also did something this week that I think shocked a lot of people and withdrew myself from a situation I was uncomfortable with because of anothers persons actions toward me, again I don't want to go to much in depth but I for the first time I stood up for what I believed in and I felt great in doing so.

I feel to some degree that I am too possibly outgrowing talking about fashion---I am not sure yet of that idea but it has me scared as then what happens here?  My readership has hit the bottom and I know I want to regain what I have lost but do I have the wherewithall to do that?  What do I wirte about?  What do I share?  Do I continue with fashion and do other topics?  Do I stop blogging?

I also have to admit I am a little down about my upcoming birthday, I for the first time am not looking forward to it.  I feel old, I feel like I haven't accomplished half of what I wanted to by the time I hit forty-five and I fear I maybe living in fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear to leave a possible rut I could be in, fear to make changes.  How do I get out of all of this fear?  How do I move forward?  Well until possibly tomorrow