The Dash

I read of a man who stood to speak

at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone

from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came her date of birth

and spoke the following date with tears,

but he said what mattered most of all

was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth

and now only those who loved her

know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,

the cars... the house... the cash.

What matters is how we live and love

and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard,

are there things you'd like to change?

For you never know how much time is left

that can still be arranged.

If we could just slow down enough

to consider what's true and real

and always try to understand

the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger

and show appreciation more

and love the people in our lives

like we have never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect

and more often wear a smile...

remembering that this special dash

might only just a last a while.

So when your eulogy is being read

with your life's actions to rehash,

would you be proud of the things they say

About how you spent your dash?

A day off from dolly work

Well, I have finally done it and with no real huge side effects I might add--what is that you ask freind?? I day off and doing no dolly work! It doesn't happen often but when it does its like a breath of fresh air. Like re-energizing your batteries if you will, because as we all know it gets a little overwhelming at times.

So how did I spend my day you may ask--well kids, I painted for damn near the whole day. Yep drug out the brushes and the cavases, turned on the stero with disco music in the CD player--cranked it as loud as it would go and just lost myself in s series of paint. What a wonderful day I have had, no pressure to finish them, no deadlines, timelines, no phone, no television, no one bothering me as Jim was at work and just painted for the sake of painting.

I am working on a Vistorian/turn of the century woman piece for my dentist and his wife who have given me FREE all my dental work and their home is deocrated in that kind of style so it should fit beautifully. I also worked some ona breand new Anna Nicole piece I started a while back that should be just a knock out and had the idea today that I am also going to paint a portrait of Tammy Faye Baker Messner, not exactly sure why but thought it would be fun and campy.

Speaking of Tammy Faye the first "Youtube" vid inthat blog entry about her dying is fixed so please take a look at when you have the time. I have CDs of music by her ordered at the library and they should be coming in any day now, she had in my opinon a great voice.

I sent off my check for my space for my first outdoor art showing in September at the "Clinton Apple Fest" its a very small town near us but 1,200 people in 5 hours will hopefully see my stuff-- I am a little nervous but very excited. If I am really lucky maybe I can sell something as well. Lets all pray I do!!
I have to start the drawings for the mural I was hired to do--not sure if I mentioned this yet or not but its a huge on for a freind of mine and her indoor swimming pool room. Three huge arched panels that take up the whole wall and she wants a Floridian lanscape painted on it, so I started gathering ideas for it. Should be a lot of fun and something different as well.

Well gang hope you all have a nice and fun filled weekend.

Charlie

You all sing along as Donna provides the words and the "bouncing ball"

My week and Harry Potter stuff

Well this week has been mostly all work and very little down/me time and frankly it has grown really old really fast. I have to be able to find a balance somehow and I am not sure how to exactly do it. I know I am not alone in this boat over all work no play or all overtime but at times it gets very lonely and yes friends depressing.

CanI be honest here and some something I have wanted to say for a long long time here ---I would do almost anything to be able to be a big time succesful dollmaker--selling dolls all over, ads in big time magazines, a name people recognized, a person people longed to meet, dolls people HAD to have and not have to worry about a lot of the things so many of us worry about. How will we pay all the bills, how will we ever get ahead--the average joe kind of thing and not have to struggle so hard all the time, which grows old as well.

You just work so long and so hard you begin at times to wander will it ever pay off, will it ever get me what I so desperatley want, does it even matter--are people even reading my words here and do they relate, do they give a damn. 40 posts/entries, 277 hits and barely any responses, what are people who read this think?? What would it take to get more people to read, to respond, to maybe even share their thoughts and experiences--am I putting to much personal information out and people do not know how to deal with it, respond to it and am I stepping in a terriority all to familiar to too many??

Maybe for the people in my doll groups it isn't enough about dolls or what I am doing doll wise, in my Wizard of Oz group maybe it isn't Oz-zie enough--you knows--maybe I need to somehow draw more readers to get some kind of response. DO I even care, why am I even saying all this?

I want to say here that as of last night I finished the "Harry Potter and the DeathlyHallows" last night at about 10:30 p.m. and loved it. My favorite chapter had to be the "Kings Crossing" Chapter and if any one else has read it would love ot have a conversation with you about that chapter in particular. I will be doing a post here in a few days, but I want others to have the chance to read the book before I talk about that chapter.

I do also want to say here that at times the depression I have been suffering from the last few months, and that I am on medication for, has been overwhelming and it seems that there is noo one to talk to about it--someone that gets it, wants to hear about it, somebody that has been there. Myabe counseling is the answer, or a support group. It is a very real, dark and empty space that I and others like me are in and I know for myself I wish there were a way out. I have dealt with some very serious issues in my life but ths one has been one the hadest ones I have had as it is just so emotional.

Tammy Faye Baker Messner has died

For me the news today of the death of Tammy Faye Baker Messner was one of shock and huge sadness. I had the incredible privilege of meeting this wonderful, beautiful, funny, christian woman at the height of their PTL fame and before the scandal brought about because of Jerry Falwell and his group of followers and staff. It was in a christian college that my church had us as seniors visit when I was in High school and Jim and Tammy Faye were there as well as Andre Crouch, Sandi Patti, Oral Roberts, Billy Graham, Robbie Heiner.

Even before leaving the "Southern Conservative Baptist" upbringing I had I adored Tammy Faye, I think it was all the hair, the clothes and all that make-up. She even then seemed so real to me. Then her being the very first "fundamentalist christian" to support and love people dying with AIDS when they were on PTL.

I vividly remember when I met her she took my hand in hers and with tears in her eyes said to me "Young man I see G-d working and doing great things in your life, there may be trials along the way but my dear boy remember G-d is carrying you in his arms when it is the darkest". With her hands still in mine she sang to me "His Eye is On the Sparrow", hugged me, kissed me and said it was a real privilege meeting me--and this was way before I even "came out" to myself, my family, before I lost 2 partners, before and AIDS Diagnosis before G-d was even really working in my life.

Then scandal and we the gay community loved her, some of us sent her money and concert dates to support her and really honestly loved her when NO ONE else did.

She in turn, went and raised millions of dollars for AIDS and AIDS survivors in Gay bars, at Circuit White Parties, drag shows and at Gay Parades. She talked openly about us and openly loved us even on Larry King. She is and always be one of the communities biggest friends and supporters and I shall miss her terribly--it would have been nice to have met her again and to let her now what a tremendous impact she had on my life but I guess now I will have to wait till I see her at the gates of heaven welcoming me in, before I can really return that hug to her and say "Thank you Tammy Faye, I loved you all along".



This first "Youtube" post is a gay man who so eloquently puts some of my thoughts to words--the ending had me in tears.



This next one is a photo collection of Tammy Faye and yes---kids its her singing--again I was a bundle of raw emotion and so many memories of my few mintues with her came flooding back--I want this version of this song , sung by her played at my funeral someday as well when my time comes. Until then Tammy Faye G-d has welcomed you home as well as thousands of gay men whose lives you made the difference.

charlie

Some of my latest doll work for customers

I wanted to share some photos of some of the latest doll work I have been doing for customers.

This first one is an original china head that came in with just the head and nothing else. So i made the leather body for this lovely gal as well as found replacement reproduction arms and legs ad then made this to die for Satin dress with Antique lace all over it. All the clothing was removeable and included the dress, the slip and underwear as well. The dress bodice was also partially lined and closed with snaps.

This second one is an old compostion doll that I repaired the arms, legs and cracked/broken head on, cleaned the origianl cloth body, restuffed the hole thing as the stuffing was molded and VERY funky to say the least and trhen I also made the clothes. The lace trim is antique as well as the cotton dress which I hand dyed as well. I included the bonnet, the dress, slip panties , diaper and crocheted bootie. Also a new felt tongue as her old one was missing.

Other than that I have been very busy doing doll work, painting, house work, gardening and the such. I have my first art piece to hang in a gallery show in October which I am very excited about. I have my first public show at an Apple Festival in September and am gearing up to do a doll for Dream Halloween again as well as a Christmas event for Akrons Children Hospital which I am very excited about as well. SO hope you like the newest dolly work and as soon as I get more photos developed will post them here for all of you.

16 years as of yesterday and other stuff

Well I want to start off with the other stuff. Saturday my brother took me to the coolest event I have been to in a long while "The Renaissance Festival" in Girad, Ohio from where I live two hours away but so worth the drive. This is an outdoor event on what I would guess to be ten acres of property with a huge group of people in costumes/period clothing pieces, artisans/crafters, entertainment, food and wine/beer. The costumes by themselves was well worth the drive and I was in designer heaven. The artisans were glass blowers, jewelry makers, painters/artists, tailors who made costumes, and even soap makers.

While there besides buying food and beverages I bought a poets shirt which I will have to take pictures of and an inexpensive kilt (versus the more formal dress kilt) and actually wore both that day and the entire day. The clerk was this very cute girl while the gentleman that did all the sewing was actually with another customer. She asked if I "was wearing my purchase that day" and I said of course and asked if I "was going to be a true Scotsmen/Irish men that day" and I guessed I blushed and said "I had planned on it". She then looked at me and said "Well if your asked what is beneath your kilt just look them in their eye and say your wife's/mothers, sisters lipstick" which made me blush even more.



Yesterday July 16,2007 at 9:45 a.m. I celebrated 16 years living with AIDS. Some of you may find it odd that all these years later I still remember the time but for me it is a day, place and time that I will never forget because it changed my life so very much. The thing here my friends is that it could be longer and in actually probably closer to 20 years as that is when I lost my first boyfriend to AIDS. In that course of time I have lost close to 700 friends, acquaintances and two lovers. For someone who will only be 41 this November it is in my opinion a modern day holocaust.

When I first found out about my HIV status I went right to a support group not only how to tell people but also how to live with and deal with this tragic blow. The thing is when I was diagnosed there were only 3-4 drugs no more, people were only living 4-5 years no more except rare exceptions and there for a while I was going to calling hours/funerals every week and sometimes more than one week.

So much has changed medically speaking for AIDS and yes even some of the attitudes have changed but so much more needs to be changed as well. I am just so grateful that I am still here. Out of that support group of 20 of us there are only 5 of us still alive (and that is counting me). I think for me the big thing now is to live till the 17th year as the last 4 friends who have died of AIDS/AIDS complications have all died in their 16th year. I came very close my self 2 years ago when I had pneumonia and lost in a year 95 pounds--I was that walking "AIDS survivor" the sunken face, the bugged eyes and the look of death--but I pulled thru and am still here.

Jim was so sweet I got flowers and we went out to dinner last night--to celebrate and to reminisce to a degree. It was so very nice. Well unto next time my firends--enjoy what G-d has given you, enjoy the day we all are granted and cherish those that are near to your heart.

Charlie

Well things here are busy, which seems to be the norm here lately. Between yard work, housework, gardening and even some doll/business work our plate has been full. I may have mentioned Jim went to day turn from afternoons now almost over a week ago and from what is called a 6 day pay versus an 8 day pay (this is out of 14 total)and he just loves it. He starts at 7:00 a.m and ends at 3:00 p.m. which leaves the rest of the day to call his own, it has given us so much more time together.

It has made it a little harder to deal with the business to a small degree because all of the calls and customers are coming while he is at work, which don't get me wrong it isn't like a steady stream of people now that we are out of the house--but still it can get goofy.

The strawberries we transplanted a while back are finally done producing and in all we ended up with 23 quarts for FREE and that as Martha Stewart says "Is a good thing". The pepper plants we have growing have tons of buds and so far out of the regular yellow,green and banana peppers we have the only one actually growing a pepper is the banana one. We have a few small tomatoes growing on the one plant we have, a ton of buds on the cucumber plants we have growing but no baby cucumbers as of yet and the English lavender is doing beautifully.

With the Lavender anybody know how to either make oil out of it or soap? Somebody said you could even cook or make tea with it? Is this right? If you know or have recipes I would love to have you leave them here in the comment space. Maybe somebody else is growing lavender .

Then the flowers oh my gosh where do I begin the Lilies are just beautiful this year--Yellow, Orange and those beautiful white ones with the red bumps on them. Then the hydrangea bush has gone berserk and is beyond words. The glads are doing well all 100 of them no signs of flowers yet but can't wait if they are as nice as last year it will be a treat. It has been nice bringing some of them into the house and having that fragrance just fill a room.

Jim did have that doctors appointment for the "enlarged aorta problem" and the doctor looked at Jim and said" I don't know what the hell the emergency room was thinking a few days back and what they hell they sent you here for it isn't anything but hardening of the arteries, if you lost a little weight and watched what you ate you would be perfect"! Go figure go scare the bejesus out of us and then its nothing--well at least it wasn't serious.

I can not believe it I finally have the one Oz piece I have wanted for since forever a very old (may not be the first edition) Frank L. Baums "The Wizard of Oz" and for the low E-bay price of $31.00. I just read this book 2 years ago and borrowed a reproduction from the library but now I own it. I may have to break down and buy the others as well as I have read like 4-5 of Mr. Baums work and just love it. Speaking of reading anybody else besides thyself about the last Harry Potter? I know I am and have my copy reserved now if our Borders could get there act together about the flipping tickets . Well I guess I'll close for now--- Charlie

As I mentioned in an earlier, I had the incredible opportunity to meet and see the incredible Jim Bailey many many years ago--it was for me the closest I will ever get to Judy-- and if you ever get the chance to see him--DO!!

"Love for oneself seems to be a paradoxical statement. If love is a bridge that unites, then how does love for oneself manifest? In truth, however, the profoundest love one has is for oneself. It is the glue that integrates a human being spiritually and psychologically. It is not love, as a feeling or a craving; rather it is of a different order; it is a state of being. The difference between a feeling and a state of being lies in their nature and how they are experienced. Feelings are fleeting and temporary. To be sustained, they need to be rekindled and continuously remembered. And they are evocative, depending on an outer stimulus. A state of being is constant and contextual. It is, whether remembered or not, and is the source of all feelings and actions. It is a place to come from. It is that which is being expressed, and it is at one with the expresser."



HAPPY JULY 4TH