I know this maybe hard to hear for some of my readers, but i am emotionally at my lowest right now and have been since that memorial service. Its a long complicated story but in the process I feel like an outsider and I feel like I am not even needed for the most part.
1#.It starts with our local library, back in November of last year when we thought our levy didn't pass I made a comment about "the Friends of the Library was going to be extra busy", long story short they didn't have one. I said they needed one and we formed this committee to get one started.
We been meeting for months, I got the $500 donated for the 501c3 non-profit status and did what I thought was my utmost best to serve in a meaningful manner. Now in March I had pneumonia as many of you know and minor outpatient surgery for non-cancerous lesions i had to have removed. So it was literally a month of being sick and a month of recovery and my missing 2 months worth of meetings, which I told them I would be missing because of those reasons.
Well no note, no minutes mailed, no how are you, no go screw yourself--NOTHING! In the mean time an idea I had for their garden dedication is being used, all the posters drawn up, fliers distributed and again no word to me about any of it not even they date. So I left a note for a "friend" of mine who also happens to be the director of the library that I wanted to see her and now 3 days later--nothing.
I went their today to see if she would see me and was told she tied up all day, would e-mail me
more than likely this week and then see me at the part near the end of the month! Now I find all of this a little hard to swallow. I feel very used and very unwanted to say the least.
2#. Our church a few months back sent me to classes to start the process of becoming a chaplain, which I completed and then our church formed a care and comfort team. It was designed to help our pastor with the burden of visiting the sick, shut-in and those in the hospital who are or were members of our church. I was also asked to write prayers for the church newsletter monthly which I did I believe 3 times. Well since this group was formed I have been asked to visit one person, I have missed 2 or 3 times of writing the prayer for the bulletin. Part of it was my schedule I will be honest and part of it was again my being sick. I have been asked by members of the church if I am feeling better but nothing about the prayer, when will they start again, that people miss them or anything. Again I feel like its a big fat NOTHING. Again I feel like I am in a committee that isn't doing anything, that I am not wanted or needed for that matter and that for 3-4 a hours a week for 11 weeks, which was the length of the class) was a waste of both my time and the church's money.
3#. I have been taking art classes for almost 2 years now, the kind that are paid for and in the last few months I feel like we are not encouraged to have a piece that is finished. I feel like the teacher is never satisfied with the pieces we are doing even if she calls them finished--which she just did with a piece of mine that I finished last month that I worked on for 8 months. I wen tin yesterday to bring it home and hang it. Today I was told it wasn't finished, that I had all these
changes to make to it and in no so many words--who was I to take it home? This has happened the last 3 pieces I have done down there and here at home as well. The stuff is just raked over the coals I end up screwing with it for weeks and i fell like what i have to say, what I think and my opinion matters for NOTHING!!! Now I have shared my pieces in this format and I believe they are pretty damn good. I actually meet with a curator at a gallery to sell my stuff the end of the month and is is no worse than anything else that is out there, and in some cases BETTER.
Now I know I can be some what emotional, I know I at times tend to over react to some things but this is enough. I just feel like an outsider in my own life for some reason. I feel as if I do not matter at all, what I think doesn't matter, what I have to say doesn't matter , and that as a whole I do not belong.
1#.It starts with our local library, back in November of last year when we thought our levy didn't pass I made a comment about "the Friends of the Library was going to be extra busy", long story short they didn't have one. I said they needed one and we formed this committee to get one started.
We been meeting for months, I got the $500 donated for the 501c3 non-profit status and did what I thought was my utmost best to serve in a meaningful manner. Now in March I had pneumonia as many of you know and minor outpatient surgery for non-cancerous lesions i had to have removed. So it was literally a month of being sick and a month of recovery and my missing 2 months worth of meetings, which I told them I would be missing because of those reasons.
Well no note, no minutes mailed, no how are you, no go screw yourself--NOTHING! In the mean time an idea I had for their garden dedication is being used, all the posters drawn up, fliers distributed and again no word to me about any of it not even they date. So I left a note for a "friend" of mine who also happens to be the director of the library that I wanted to see her and now 3 days later--nothing.
I went their today to see if she would see me and was told she tied up all day, would e-mail me
more than likely this week and then see me at the part near the end of the month! Now I find all of this a little hard to swallow. I feel very used and very unwanted to say the least.2#. Our church a few months back sent me to classes to start the process of becoming a chaplain, which I completed and then our church formed a care and comfort team. It was designed to help our pastor with the burden of visiting the sick, shut-in and those in the hospital who are or were members of our church. I was also asked to write prayers for the church newsletter monthly which I did I believe 3 times. Well since this group was formed I have been asked to visit one person, I have missed 2 or 3 times of writing the prayer for the bulletin. Part of it was my schedule I will be honest and part of it was again my being sick. I have been asked by members of the church if I am feeling better but nothing about the prayer, when will they start again, that people miss them or anything. Again I feel like its a big fat NOTHING. Again I feel like I am in a committee that isn't doing anything, that I am not wanted or needed for that matter and that for 3-4 a hours a week for 11 weeks, which was the length of the class) was a waste of both my time and the church's money.
3#. I have been taking art classes for almost 2 years now, the kind that are paid for and in the last few months I feel like we are not encouraged to have a piece that is finished. I feel like the teacher is never satisfied with the pieces we are doing even if she calls them finished--which she just did with a piece of mine that I finished last month that I worked on for 8 months. I wen tin yesterday to bring it home and hang it. Today I was told it wasn't finished, that I had all these
changes to make to it and in no so many words--who was I to take it home? This has happened the last 3 pieces I have done down there and here at home as well. The stuff is just raked over the coals I end up screwing with it for weeks and i fell like what i have to say, what I think and my opinion matters for NOTHING!!! Now I have shared my pieces in this format and I believe they are pretty damn good. I actually meet with a curator at a gallery to sell my stuff the end of the month and is is no worse than anything else that is out there, and in some cases BETTER.Now I know I can be some what emotional, I know I at times tend to over react to some things but this is enough. I just feel like an outsider in my own life for some reason. I feel as if I do not matter at all, what I think doesn't matter, what I have to say doesn't matter , and that as a whole I do not belong.
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