Just some daily notes

Well yesterday was some cooler than it has been. The last few days it was in the 90s and for here in N.E. Ohio it means high humidity which at times can be unbearable. Its the type of weather you swear your clothes are sticking to you.

Jim went and had another cat scan for that enlarged aerotia section and he sees a doctor next week to see if or when surgery will happen. Speaking of Jim he starts on the day shift next month as well instead of afternoons and what is called a 6 day pay period versus his 8 day pay period. It will be an adjustment I am sure, but hopefully everything will go well.

Me, I went and saw my general practitioner on Monday for a 6-8 week check-up and walked out with an additional medication for depression. Its called Depakote ER and its in addition to the Wellbutrin XL I am on. It is just the overwhelming feeling of I don't care anymore, that has been so hard to shake. And this overwhelming feeling of I have no control over anything, this overwhelming feeling of not being needed and if I am for all the wrong reasons, if that makes any sense at all. I haven't been able to shake it and may have to consider counseling/psychiatry help at some point to help deal with all of it.

I think part of it maybe I just feel so shut out of everything the last few months, and I feel to a large degree life is passing me by and at this stage in my life I really can not afford to have that happen. 16 years living with AIDS and I know I could realistically have many more, but do I take that gamble. What is it I really want, what is it I really need and then how do I get it?

My brother and I have finally begun speaking again after our disagreement we had a little over a month ago, and even though it is strained at times I do enjoy that connection with him I had. I don't want to get into what the disagreement was but it was one of those things at the time was major. I guess I just need to let him know I am here for him when he needs me and if he needs to talk I will honestly listen with my heart and try to give my insight from where I have been, and if I can spare him some of the pain, grief, growing pains then I have done my part.



I just heard this song a few weeks back when it was on the Tony's and I tend to think it sums up a lot oof what I am thinking I need to be able to say for my self, about myself and to myself.