News of the day

Well I know it has been awhile since I have posted about what is going on here and part of it is I guess I just didn't want to jinx anything.  Kent State University School of Fashion got a grant from the Cotton Foundation and within that grant we will be printing our very own patterns on material.  I was one of nine students asked to participate, one of two boys and the ONLY freshman participating.

The grant supplies the material, the patterns and the school does the printing on sight.  VERY few places are doing this and very few designers are also doing it.  What little I know about this technique it is mostly Ready To Wear on demand and COUTURE!!!  There are two $500 prizes, two $200 prizes and a chance to show what I create INTERNATIONALLY!!!!  I am so freaking excited about this whole thing and that I was asked to participate.  I think it speaks volumes about me as a person and a designer, especially considering I am in only my very first semester at KSU..  Can I repeat how freaking excited I am!!!

There will be a huge fashion show involving the coats with the prints done in a black and white theme but we have access to digital embroidery processes, laser cutting and layered printing applications through computer layout.  The coats remain the property of KSU and have a possibility of even being on display at some point at the KSU Fashion Museum.  So needless to say this girl is thrilled beyond freaking words and is going to be working his ass off to make the best, FIERCEST coat ever!1

With all of the excitement comes though these HUGE feelings of depression and a lot of it revolves around my turning forty-four this week.  Feeling old, feeling unattractive, feeling fat, feeling bald, the list is endless.  I know I have talked before about how I perceive myself and I guess my biggest obstacle is overcoming my own insecurities  and being at peace with myself inside and out.  It has been very hard and a lot of what also maybe going on is just plain simple survivor's guilt.  The only guy in a group of fifty in our twenties who made even forty.  As I have said before AIDS has been a brutal villain in my life and has taken so much, but finally I feel to some degree that I am finally claiming something for myself--my future, whatever that maybe.

Well for now thank you so much for this time together and will more than likely post something a little more up than what was the end of this post!