Another fall and stuff

I got this wonderful comment in my blog that I wanted to share with all of you. It is from a very dear friend that I consider my other mom--she has been a real blessing in so many ways and she herself faces odds that make me at the least hopeful that I too can overcome somehow----

Charlie:

I'm going through the same thing. I think it's the heat, the medical problems that never seem to end and the knowing that fall and winter are on our heels.I have just been resting a lot, and watching TV shows I like, not putting any more stress on myself and I suggest you do the same. I have been here before, I know you have too. The good thing about having been in this valley before is knowing that you will climb out again, somehow. Leave in the hands of the Almighty. I think He's telling you it's time to let your body heal.

Hugs & Love, Christina

Now for a little comment--it has been so hard admitting that I am at this place again. A place where yesterday I fell again in the kitchen and it had me so distraught I wasn't sure what else I felt. I am not sure of many of you reading this know that feeling or not but it is so overwhelming that it just seems to envelope everything you do, think or are. It is also hard because what days I have been able to work I have really manged to save so we can get away and now we are 34 days away from that happening.

I guess I'm just so afraid that "the beast"--that this illness can be--will come out and be in full force by the time we go and I have worked so hard just to be able to go. I believe though that somehow I will go, because if I don't, I do not want to even think about how I am going to take it.

It just gets so old so quickly being so sick that it just seems to consume everything you have, everything you think you are, every emotion you feel. There are many days when there seems to be no real end in sight and the "looming cloud of despair" that lives over your head like the raincloud that loomed over the Addams Family home.

I don't want to close on a down note so I will share my one bright spot this week---my winning 3 concert programs from Judy Garland concerts on E-bay. In some some way it is like being near her, or at least to something that was once in the same room she was.

I know it seems odd that that is my high point this week and I know its more than likely a cliche that a gay guy collects Judy Garland and Oz memorablia but right now it brings happiness into my life and reading about it takes my mind off of things as well.