According to

According to
According to the 01/09/11

Monday, April 30, 2012

Well, believe it or not I am still sick.  I am not sure where to even begin to tell you the truth but in all honesty I guess the easiest place would be this EXTREME depression I am in.  It's like nothing I have ever had before, I don't  see an end to the light of the tunnel and last night--well I cried myself to sleep last night.  Not a good sign but I am not sure how to snap out of it.

This thing with my health again is really making me wonder if I am making the right decision about spending all of this time and energy going back to school.  Don't get me wrong I love school more than anything else in my life right now and I am doing, in my opinion, extremely well.  I have just  about a year left before I graduate and I have started making plans about grad school but what makes it so hard is trying to "know" when I am finished with my education, will I be able to do anything with it?

Will all of this hard work, good grades and dedication pay off, where I could possibly at some point get off SSI/SSD, Medicaid, Medicare and get a full-time paying job in career that I know I would love?  Is any of that even possible?  Or is my health, no matter what new medications are out, coming out or being planned going to keep me trapped another twenty-one years in a system that I hate and leaves you in poverty.

I simply can't do it... twenty-one more years of this kind of circumstance.  I went into school wanting to change my life and I knew school was realistically the ONLY way I could.  It was the only way I could honestly gain the type of job to have any kind of real life.  With it so close to the midway point, I am sorry to say I am losing faith, hope and perseverance.  It is very hard trying to put to words what I have been struggling with for months, outside of other issues I keep refusing to talk about here in this format; and then I wonder why I feel like I am not resolving anything?

The last few months I have to deal with bullies, liars, cheats and it always amazes me the type of people that do this are the type you never really expect it from; sometimes it is and it comes as no surprise.  But then there are the people who surprise you the most, people you feel like you don't even know all that well who are your biggest supports, your biggest fans and the people who back you the most.

This blog has seen so many changes in the time I have been running it... from talking about my personal life in the beginning, to collecting Wizard of Oz/ Judy Garland collectibles, to fashion, to news items concerning the LGBT community.  Who knows, where the next couple of months will take us, or what I will or will not talk about but to my dedicated readers... I want to thank you for staying loyal, to reading and for every now and then responding to something that is written here.

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