According to

According to
According to the 01/09/11

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Teacher at Christian School Arrested for Masturbating During Class

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Paul LaDuke: (Worst) Teacher of the Year?

A lesser known eleventh commandment – Thou shalt not jerk off at your podium in class while your students are trying their darndest to receive a proper education despite your, you know, jerking off in class – doesn’t get much play, mostly because it seems like such a completely obvious piece of common sense.

Well, that and divine word of God or not, it’s a total run-on sentence.

It’s a shame though, because a good Christian like 75-year-old Paul LaDuke sure could have used an FYI.
A longtime teacher at Schaumburg Christian School was charged with sexual exploitation of a child Tuesday for allegedly masturbating while students were in his classroom — an act, police said, that he might have performed repeatedly for 10 years or more.
Police said that on Friday, Paul LaDuke, 75, of Hanover Park, was seated behind his classroom podium when he lowered his pants and masturbated. A student allegedly saw him and reported it to a teacher, who relayed it to school administrators. LaDuke lost his job the same day, police said.

Police now suspect that LaDuke had been playing What Would Jesus Do With His Penis In Class for close to a decade now, so homeboy’s future is looking pretty grim.

You know what they say after all; “Fool me once, shame on you. Jerk off in a room full of minors for ten years, Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Do not pleasure yourself while en route to jail. Save it for your cell. You’ll be there awhile.”

What do you mean you’ve never heard that one? It’s a classic American proverb.
(via Chicago Tribune)

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