The man I want to be is 40 pounds lighter than what I currently am. Somehow in over a year I have not been able to lose one single pound and if I have to be honest I hate how much I weigh. It makes me feel older than I am and it feeds my insecurity big time because I feel so unattractive. I would like to be more fit than what I am as well, maybe train to run a marathon when I turn 45 next year. That would be a hell of a goal huh.
The man I want to be will have his degree in fashion with a minor in writing. It will mean everything to me to finally have proven to myself that I am smart enough to have a college degree. Than to pursue a career in that degree. Something my family does not understand at all never will. There are many reasons why I have lived most of my life thinking I am dumb and maybe one of these days I will blog about it.
The man I want to be will no longer be insecure about how he looks, about if people will like him or not and he will be comfortable with who he really is. I have heard it said, that you can not really love those around you fullyuntil you fully love yourself. I would like to be that man.
The man I want to be will be financially secure. Not filthy rich, but comfortable enough that I won't have to worry how am I going to pay the bills everymonth. I have taken steps to do this I feel by being back in school and opening a savings account.
The man I want to be, will once and for all be comfortable with his spiritual faith something I have battled for years. Comfortable enough in that faith not to worry what others think about it. This journey has been a long painful one and is another topic I should sooner or later talk about here.
The man I want to be is one who will fully embrace the idea that he could have another 19 years or more to his life like his doctor says he has. This is going to be a huge issue for me as for the last 19 years I feel as if I have lived on borrowed time. Until recently I had no huge plans for my future, because I never thought I would have one.
The man I would like to be is that type of man that when he speaks, people really listen. Like E.F. Hutton if you will. I want what I say to really move people, make them think and maybe to a degree challenge what they think they know. I don't wanttobe the type where when I speak people roll their eyes as they walk away.
I want to be the type of man who has let the past go once and for all and live for the present. Echardt Tolle belives all we have is the here and now with nothing more. I want to make the moment count and matter no matter what.
I know this sounds like a huge list of things to accomplish and hopefully to some degree some of these things I am already doing.
The last two posts have been helpful to me by just publicly saying what I have thought for years and have never been able to put a voice to. Last night during the Miss Universe Pagent Ms. Phillippines was asked what her biggest mistake has been. she left the question unanswered by saying that there was nothing she regretted. With that thought in mind I am going to brave that question here.
Until next time I am so glad we had this time together.
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