Written by a friend of mine-- So moving

The following piece is written by a friend of mine Dr. Franky Dolan from San Fransisco who suffers from Chronic Fatigue Syndrom and is an Art Therapist/Hypnotherapist.  I hope you are as mived as I was wehn I read this---

Dr Dolan Reports:


There are so many levels of debilitation within the community of Invisible Diseases. In this new year, I want to speak to those who are fortunate enough to not be housebound. To all people, I say this, but especially to those who are physically able to get out of bed... I have one word of advice: Don't settle. Dream. Go big. Be honest. Be raw. ...I guess that would be a bunch of words of advice! But you catch my drift, right? It's totally fine to simply not know what direction you want to go down, just don't go down a direction that isn't calling you. With such limited energy, on all levels, remember that your time is worth more than gold. Too many people spend too much time following things outside of their dreams. Then they look back and wonder why their goals have not been achieved. It is a great feeling to have any level of success. If you are going to make great achievements, you need to work hard (more than most other people, I know) and, as difficult as it may be, pace yourself. Rest more than it feels like you need, and at the same time, push your boundaries a bit. Really live as richly as you can. Take nothing for granted and honor your brothers and sisters who are sick in bed, waiting for a hero to rise above and save our community. ...Until then, we are our own heroes.

I have a close friend who helped me to see my own heroism. She did not have an Invisible Disease, but she was one of the few who truly understood. She was a beautiful, beautiful person, one of those special sparks in this world. I met her so many years ago. We were both following our dreams, each living on a shoestring. We were actors. We were seekers of truth, and spreaders of passion and creation. She was tall, thin and striking with several pounds of thick black curly hair on her head. I was charming, but of course, and still a bit dorky with my own grip of passion. After a very long day of exhausting auditioning in a large Victorian building, we were paired together. We made it, it was Franky and Sandra. We were set to do a two-man show, touring the country and living our dreams. I quit my little job as a nanny (yes, I was a nanny, or, Male-nanny, or, "Manny!" Don't knock it!) and she was a framer. (Yeah, she actually had a job devoted to framing pictures.)

So there we were, two eager souls, putting everything on the line to live a life greater than what we were coming from. I risked it all, and so did she. I loved that about her! We learned our lines, memorized all the choreography and set off to tour as a two-person educational show for children. It was such indescribable fun! Some of the greatest memories of my life were made in only a few months, with dear sweet Sandra. I had already been having odd bouts of fatigue and pain, but was able to push myself forward, secretly repressing this plague that stole my energy and concentration. I was determined not to let this damn disease take everything from me. I didn’t tell anyone that I had health problems when I auditioned, and had no plans of letting anyone know throughout the run of the show either. But as fate often does, it stepped in and switched the gears of my life. I ended up having symptoms impossible to hide. Nobody knew what was happening to my body medically, but I got dramatically achy and dizzy, and I began to lose consciousness. At one point, I actually collapsed on stage, in front of hundreds of bewildered children.

Needless to say, I had no other choice but to call the producers and, for the first time in my life, I quit a show. I had been an actor off and on throughout my life (singer too, thank you very much) and I have been known to perform with the flu, laryngitis, broken bones etc., I never wanted to let anyone down! I was devastated to leave, and so was Sandra. Poor Sandra had to finish out the tour with some cheesy two-bit actor, but she and I kept in contact and our bond never wavered.

Sandra ended up a bit down and out after the show, but she kept her chin up. She moved to New York right after 9/11, saying that they needed more love over there. She landed in Brooklyn, scared and brave, fearless and strong. She met the greatest romantic love of her life and ended up working as an actress, fighting hard to live her life filled with dreams and all things good. So beautiful.

Why do I tell you all of this my friends? Because, she taught me something that all people can be reminded of. She was diagnosed with cancer, and it just kept spreading all over her body... We kept telling each other to keep going, keep moving forward. I thought about all of the days on the phone with her, as I was sick, and as she was sick. At one point, she said that cancer seemed easier than chronic fatigue syndrome. She was so generous and validating that way... But, sadly, just weeks ago, cancer took over her life and her body completely. Her soul had to leave her body, leaving millions of people with one less sparkle in the world. I heard that she died and the clock seemed to stop, my breath seemed to cave, my heart shattered in a trillion pieces. I can truly say that we were friends to the end. ..Though, I don't really believe that it is the 'end.' Among my tears and sorrows, I realized that she lived her dreams. She had such a full life, in a few years. Too many people live such small lives throughout the span of a lifetime, wishing that they had lived more. I am still really sick, now more than ever actually, but I realized that I can reach out and still do great things. Sandra did. So can I... So can you.

If you are able to leave your home on a regular basis, please go out, give to your own spirit as you give to the world. For those of us who are bound to our beds, know that though you may fall asleep alone, our dreams are the same. I am with you in spirit and in love.

Sending Love...
Dr Franky Dolan