The Night before Easter

The night before Easter and the big family meal and I am not ready for it.  Jim has done all the cooking already and all I have to do is reheat everything tomorrow and set the perfect table.  A white table cloth, antique cloth white napkins, the good silver and an all Marigold Carnival glass setting for everyone.  I will have to take pictures of it and post here so all of you can see that Martha Stewart and I are truly soulmates , it has always been about presentation for me.  The table when set like this is just gorgeous and I adore my carnival glass collection.

Jim started his own blog today and I want to encourage all of my readers to visit his site and encourage him in this brand new endeavour.  The web address is http://the68thyear.blogspot.com/ hopefully all of you will get to know him as well.  This is a real step for Jim to open up like this as normally he is so very quite.

The last few weeks I have been in a real weird mood and I think its a mix of things.  First wanting Spring semester to start, worried how the hell I am going to get the $1,500 for that semester KSU needs that my Pell doesn't cover, some worry about an upcoming blood tests for a doctors appointment at the end of the month, a paper I have to write for Writing 1 and of course the fashion show next weekend.

That show has me really worried, the outfit isn't done as of yet and still in pieces to some degree and I have to turn it in by Thursday to meet the deadline.  Most of this outfit this time around has been done by hand versus by machine and I guess its because I am so worried about it turning out right--- again my "Martha" persona---it has to be sheer perfection!  If I weren't like this it would be easier.  In the meantime I have to "jerry-rig" the ironing boardto use it as it broke this week, I would say what next but that only brings bad luck.

To some degree I guess I am dreading tomorrow as well as there has been no real support from my family to my going back to school, not even a lot of emotional support or interest.  It frankly has been a bunch of nothing.  Not even questions about how I am doing.  I know they don't understand why I am doing it and that is fine but to be honest this utter lack of interest just hurts like hell.  I need to get to the point where it doesn't hurt as much, but since this has been only going on since August of  last year I think I have a long road ahead of me.

I am doing what I am doing for me and no one else, claiming my future, claiming who I am and who I NEED to be!  It is who I am and if no one understands it that is ok, because I get it.  I am working so hard to do well and as of right now its all A's in every class and if I can keep it up the Dean's List at the end of the semester.  Anyway I do know the sky literally is the limit for me and I am belive it.

The other part is just the whole Easter idea versus Passover idea--the family as a whole celebrates Easter and while in the past they have let me observe Passover in my home with them they have done it reluctantly and not understanding why I converted in the first place.  Being Jewish is where I feel at home, I feel at peace and more than likely I will blog about that tomorrow.

In the meantime I am so glad we had this time together.