I decided to share that letter and my response to it because I felt it fit a thread of thought I have had since yesterday's post.
My Dear John:
I picked that lyric at the time because I thought I associated with it quiet a bit. Living as long as I have with AIDS I have felt off and on that it has been a life in fear, never the courage to live and do the things I would really love to do. I have felt so shut out at times, and left out at times and on the edge of life itself many times. Never the money to not worry like I do about the future if something should happen.
It seems like I never give myself enough credit for the things I have done, I continue to do and the goals I want to reach before the end of it.
I have never had the confidence in myself for what I really wanted, and I have never had the family support I needed to feel like I could do it on my own, I have always put myself last. It is Jim to a large degree that has made realize the talent that is there along with the skill. Made me think what do I really want.
John, I never thought nearly 18 years this July 16th that I would live this long and the plans I had at one time all died when I found out that it was AIDS, my life has never been the same. It has made me into who I am but to a large degree I feel like I have settled for less many times. Sometimes for the good and some times for the bad.
.......the last two months I have been seriously thinking of going back to college but I am so torn about what to take--my heart ADORES fashion, my mind says I want to write because I feel at many times I have no voice at all, but I have no idea what to write........