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According to the 01/09/11

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Subtle Hate--Homphobia among us-- A RANT

Well after a conversation with my mother this early evening I had to go somewhere and rant and I guess this is my space to do.

It was an innocent enough phone call about what time they are coming tomorrow for dinner as Jim is working till 3--well that phone call took the wind out of me literally. I started innocently with my aunt "supposedly asking about me. We have not spoken in 2 years because " I am that diseased faggot" you know and she might catch it if she happens to breath the same air I happen to be breathing. Her words there not mine.\

I said I found that hard to believe as the last conversation with my aunt she said I should leave Jim, marry some nice girl and have three kids. So I said that to my mom and she said" Well I could hope for you to do that someday, but you would probably be miserable--but I would be happy". I couldn't believe it!

I know things have changed since her two strokes but this issue of my being gay and having AIDS has seemed to resurface on a fairly regular basis and I for the life of me can not understand why.

I have been out since I was 21 years old, have had AIDS now 18 years in July and have had a decent, hard working, loving devoted man in my life all but for 3 years of that time! But more could I want!

I feel like I could solve world poverty, end world hunger, eradicate prejudice, end the financial depression we are in as a world and heal the sick, raise the dead and walk water but none of it would matter as I would still be "that diseased faggot".

I didn't wake up one day and choose to "Be this"--I did choose to accept who I was, I did choose the men in my life, I did choose to try to treat myself better to try to survive longer living with a killer disease and all for what? Is it subtle hate? Is it over reaction.

It is just a shame that they can't love me for who I am and what I have and realize I do matter---I'M DONE!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately I think there will always be prejudice with us, even within our families...and that hurts the most. It's their problem, not yours. Just remember you are just fine as you are.