


This site is about things I find interesting or feel you should know about--Fashion, men, news, politics, gay awareness issues and above all it's definitely GAY! I am a Kent State University English Major,striving to be a writer, and I am a 40-something Gay man so this should be a really fun visit... grab your favorite cocktail and enjoy reading.
Not much work done today
Felt absolutely awful after lunch
Tired fatigued, headachy
More than likely one of my "bad days"
Could be the start of what
Jim has had the last few days
Makes me glad I have
a safe home
A warm bed
A loving dog
a doting husband
Not sure if this is even on Broadway anymore
but the lyrics seemsed to fit my mood
here lately
I am NOT the boy next door
the exception to the rule
the rare find--
the true friend
devoted care giver
the only difference is I want
2 b the Boy Going to Oz
I want 2 B Rescued from
death by Glinda
I want my heart enlarged,
2 the point of bursting
my courage enriched,
where I could face anything
but where nothing
very serious happens
my brains challenged
Why can't they make TV like this anymore??
Well it came and gone
I couldn't get in the mood
Now matter how I tried
Thanskgiving Day for me
was uneventful
at best
8 hours of work today
Jim sick with a cold
he called off work
As well as tommorrow
One job almost finished
Yet I feel I haven't accomplished much
Haven't caught up
Can't see the end in sight
There comes a time
When U have 2
Take ur place in the sun
Free 2 B
A chance to create
without the guidelines
I have the chance
the right to choose
2 stand up & fight
Free 2 be what I want
Take my place in the skies
The war will B won
I won't B tired anymore
I won't B weak
LEAD.......
Today I went 2 visit U
You were there
in a way but in another
U were not
The ground holds your body
But not your soul or spirit
Almost 5 years have passed
Since I held you in my arms
& heard U call my name
I asked U 2day
How long
before I can hear
your voice
B in your arms
In the grand scheme
U told me not long
Am I missing what I have now?
Am I in the past?
Does 1 recover
from the pain?
The loss?
The grief?
I left with my soul
sobbing.
I have in many regards
so much 2 b thankful 4
but so much to B hurt
over as well---
Somedays it overwhelms
For me this song
has always been my favorite
since the very 1st time I heard it
It made me question everything
It made me believe
Can you understand me--
when all I have ever wanted
is to fly---soar even
This last week has been trying emotional 4 me
& in many respects I am not anywhere near
being emotionally ready for Thanksgiving.
The house full of people,
all the house work, all the cooking,
& being thankful----
while this last week
has been emotionally some of my lowest--
no real explanations for it--
maybe part of it was my birthday
was no big deal all the way around
& while 4 me--
I am the only person
from my core of friends
that are my age that were
diagnosed all those years ago
2 have lived to see 41--
but yet it doesn't matter--
to anyone--
& should it?
It seems like a struggle
just to stay ahead--
& I am tired of it
Some days I feel broke inside
but I won't admit to anyone
Sometimes I just want to hide
from everyone
'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard
to say goodbye when it comes to this
you looking back
Can I say here honestly--
I hate this time of the year
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
and see
Happy Birthday 2 me
Where has the 41 years gone
Time seems 2 have slipped by
What have I really accomplished
What do I still want 2 do
Happy Birthday 2 me
16 years living with AIDS
Fatigue that this last week
has left me crippled
While everyone seems
2 have forgotten
I am another year older
Does it really matter?
Happy birthday 2 me
no cake
2 cards, 1 present
is it different than any other day?
Who know what I want
2 B a successful big time
doll designer
nothing more
I don't think I could take it
if I could not accomplish
one simple dream of
making it big
Maybe it time 2 come
in from the rain
maybe I need 2 use my life
the way i want because
i have lost so very much
41 years--
WHY?
As many of you know
the last posts are usually
the very thoughts that
I can not begin 2 put into words--
Dropped the doll off
for the Akron Children's Hospital Christmas Tree Event
Stuck in traffic for an hour
because of an accident 3 lanes of
traffic closed--people using the burm
People at the event so very busy
trying to finish before the deadline
Set up the other tree here at the house so far three in total
More decorations to go up yet
More doll work--never enough though to gt ahead--
I swear to G-d
No end in sight
I'm ready to make the jump--this time without a net
I am not ever going to look back again
Only one way to go--Upward and forward
Going to claim it and make it my own--for once
Dysfunction and exceptions to the rules behind me FOREVER
No need for others to make my dreams to come true
I can do it on my own--just believe in me is all I ask
Just give me the chance to run through the open door
Its my time, the day has finally come
No longer bound to the ground, no more net
I am going to run my hands through the highest clouds
Going to make it hapen no matter what it takes
No matter the cost, no matter the sacrifice
No more living in the shadows
No more excuses
Can't stand in my way--
I will achieve
Faith is all that is required
No religion needed
No church attendance demanded
Just sheer unadultered faith
That I will fly
to heights only my G-d
can imagine and I want
Sacrifice it all
To a G-d who knows my all
and loves me anyway
Let's Defy Gravity and make our dreams come true
This weekend my brother and nephew are out and we are going to see the "Bee Movie" and then go through some things to see what they have for this winter--I would go more into detail what is going on there but at this time I still can't--but lets keep them in our thoughts and prayers. Part of why they are also out is this is my brothers only weekend off this month and we are celebrating my birthday early--as it is the 16th. Well until tommorrow kids.