The twins, who are 27 and stand 5’5″, share the same bank account. They share the same calendar. They share the same curriculum vitae. The same sexual orientation (gay), brownstone (Prospect Heights) and taste in boyfriends (“over 30”). They share the same profession, and the same specialty (interactive design). They even, in a manner of speaking, share an identity. Email the Brothers Mueller at their shared account, and the only way to tell which Mueller is responding is by whose name shows up first in the signature: Nate & Kirk versus Kirk & Nate.
While we lust for carbon-copy siblings like the Peters Twins in a carnal way, our inclination toward the Muellers is more highbrow.
We envy their successful careers designing award-winning iPad apps (for clients like Martha Stewart, The New Yorker and the Guggenheim), their natty, matchy-matchy sense of style and their utter commitment to Brooklyn (our borough of choice, too).
But which Mueller to pine for? Are you into slight, gayfaced twinks? Ask for Kirk (at right). Deeper-voiced otters with a little bit of facial hair? You want Nate (below).
And yes, the brothers even addresses the subject of twincest, albeit in their own twee way:
“It used to upset us a little at first,” Kirk said. “But now we’re very playful with it.”Hear that, men of New York? You can have both of them at once, especially if you are a well-dressed thirtysomething German with a sly sense of humor.
“My favorite is using ambiguous language,” Nate added.
“They’ll ask questions about us, like do we date the same guy or do you sleep with the same guy,” explained Kirk. “So we’ll purposefully answer, like, ‘Not usually,’ or ‘I don’t know,’ at the same time. Nate will say, ‘Not really,’ and I’ll say, ‘I don’t know.’ It’ll explode their head.”
“And then we walk away,” finished Nate.
Later, they offered a less ambiguous answer by email: “We don’t think there is a need to experiment with something like that when there’s a whole city full of beautiful people.”
As for whether they would date the same man simultaneously, however, they added dryly, “I think it’s the German in us that seeks out efficiency, so what would be more efficient than the both of us dating one person?”