How To Train a Dragon----

Today my brother, my nephew and myself went to see "How To Train A Dragon".  While many of you may feel that this cartoon/kiddie flick isn't to be about life lessons for me I left the theatre changed. The story is basically about this boy who does not fit into his life as a viking and in the beginning would do anything just to fit in.  In the mean time he snags a dragon in a net who falls deep into the woods.

The dragon has part of his tail that is missing.  The part missing helps him fly.  The boy "Hiccup" befriends the dragon and in the process realizes that eveything his people knows about dragons is false.  The boy also builds an "artifical limb" if you will for this dragon to help him fly and together they do fly to unbelievable dizzing heights.

Of course his classmate in dragon training finds out about his secret and he persuades her to his side.  The dragon takes them to what is the Dragon's hive and this monsterous dragon rules the lives of every other dragon.  Hiccup's father figures this all and an all out war against the dragons pursue which they win because Hiccup destroys the monster.

Life is turned inside out and upside down because the dragons end up living with the vikings and his father ends up saying he not only loves Hiccup but his proud of him.

For me there was this huge underlying story of this boy trying to desperately fit in beyond all costs but yet changes his world because he finally embraces his differences and who he really is.  My life it seems in reverse to a degree.  Instead of trying to fit in desperately I have worked my entire life to be who I know I am-- a gay man who loves to design clothing.  Instead of trying to change the lives of everyone around him I am just trying to change mine and be who I was meant to be.  True I feel like I never fit in or where I am from but life is more than those things.

Leaving behind a world of poverty, indifference and "settle-ness".  You know that feeling of it gets no better than this so why try, just be happy with what you have.  I have never been like that,  I have just needed the opportunity to soar if you will.  I left the theatre in tears, my heart ripped from my chest and an emotional mess.  Knowing my father will never say those words to me because I am turning my world upside down, inside out on my own just for me but also knowing I don't need him to say those things to me.

This journey is just beginning in many ways and I have finally embraced what I want,what the future holds is uncertain but I am so excited.  If you get the chance go see this movie.

End of January--where have you gone!!

It is the end of January and believe me when I say, I do not know where the time has gone so quickly.  Somehow this month I was able to get in 26 posts in 31 days and with  my track record for posting that is a lot of posting, probably the most posting I have ever done in a month.  I have shared some collectibles that I have found along the way, I have shared some of my own personal experiences along the way and hopefully you and I, my faithful readers, have become better acquianted and in the process become better friends.

The other fact I can not get over is the idea that tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. I meet with the faculty at Kent State University and declare my major.  I know that may not sound like a lot to you but this is a huge turning point for me!  Claiming what I want, what I actually need for myself for the first time in my life.  There is so much back story and history to this, it is near impossible for me to share it with you, but if you would like to know please feel very free to contact me and we can talk.  In the long run it boils down to finally proving to myself that I can make it in Fashion Design, and by G-d I am going to or die trying.

I have said it before and I will say it again, that my time has come to put myself first and dream big and to accomplish it while I still can.  I have as of today 18 1/2 years and 15 days living with AIDS so many more than most people in the past ever got and by G-d there is a reason I am still here, still thriving and still fighting as they say!  That is to accomplish the impossible, graduate from college with a degree in Fashion and live the dream I had before I found out I had AIDS.  This is huge for me.  I have never thought like this before, I am sure the self confidence will follow.  I will be the second person in my family with a college degree, but I will be the FIRST person to do anything with it once I have it!  Again another very long story.

I know at least three people though who are or would be very proud of me and my decision to pursue this--- the first of course is Jim.  What would I do without Jim?  In the beginning he didn't even want to talk about fashion and now well he is talking about me attending full time!  Big changes are in the wind.  The second would be Ron.  Right before he died he was so remorseful that we gave up so much of our lives to run "New Hope",  again another long story but I know beyond doubt he would be thrilled.  Lastly and this is a huge guess on my part but I KNOW Judy is just smiling  from heaven and saying to herself "You give 'em hell sweetie"!