Down sick

If you were wondering what is going on here I have been flat on my back in bed since Monday sicker than hell.  Two trips to the Emergency Room, a doctor's visit, 4 new medications and guess what my gay ass is still in bed no better than I was on Monday.  If anything weaker than before, the twenty feet to the bathroom feel like I have walked the Great Wall of China from beginning to end.  Not sick enough according to the ER for the hospital but according to the doctor too sick for the hospital, figure that shit out OK because I have tried!  Supposedly no sign of pneumonia with the 4 chest x-rays but I feel worse than I did in June when I was in the hospital with pneumonia and menegitis--figure that shit out as well, cause I have tried.

"Supposedly" severe bronochitis" with chest spasms--- well let me tell you something it feels like 400 pounds sittting on my chest, can barely breathe which hurts like a mother, severe night sweats all day long the last 3 days running where I am changing my PJ's 3-4 times a day, this non-stop headache for the last three days and no energy to do anything at all.  I felt like a ran a marathon last night taking a shower--what the hell is up with that?

Honestly, I don't care anymore about any of it in any way shape or form!  I'm mad, I am sad, I am so fucking over it and you no something health care in this country can suck my--- well you get the idea.  Reading Paul Monette the last month or more and you know something I relate so much to his anger right now it isn't even funny, I totally get why he was so pissed off for so long at so many things, because you know something so am I.

I'm tired of being the poster boy for long term AIDS, I'm tired of no one knowing by looking at me that I am as sick as I am, I am tired of no one giving a shit, I'm tired of being Mr. Nice who doesn't say anything at all and just takes it, I'm tired of being in this god damn bed, I'm tired of being tired

An apology about the lack of posts

I have to start by saying how badly I feel about missing two days worth of blogging, but kids whatever is going on besides my f&*ked up counts I am not getting over it.  The last two days have been just awful.  Jim drove me down to Amish country as I slept in the back seat.  We met with friend Penny of "Harwood Candles" as she had me do some design work for some labels for this new line of tincan candles she wants to do.  Which I think are going to be very nice--- I would do anything for Penny and I hope she knows that.  I have a few freinds like that, where I would crawl through volcanic lava for them.

We had lunch, Jim drove back and I slept even more.  We went and got the fabirc last night for my first sewing assignment for the semester, which is children's wear.  We came home had left overs for supper and I was in bed by 8 p.m. and slept till 8:30 this morning.  This is NOT ME in any way!

What the hell am I going to do!  Classes begin TOMORROW!  I can't even go the whole day without laying down and with classes from 8:30 to 4:30 I am terrified out of my mind that I am going to end up in the hospital by or before fall because of the schedule.  I can't drop the classes this late in the game I have around $2,400 of my own personal money wrapped into this and without a guarantee of how much I would get back I feel like I have no choice.  For me that might as well be $10,000 considering how hard I worked to get it and now to be this sick is so damn frustrating.

If all else fails I take Fall off and recover, rebuild and regroup but g-d I really don't want that either.  I feel like I have no options.  Jim thinks I will not notice how tired and ill feeling I am once I am back in classes and personally unless my fairy godmother shows up I hope Jim is right.  I guess all I really ask of you my readers is pray that somehow a miracle happens and this just all goes away.  Going to try to get into the doctors if I can Tuesday or Wednesday but it also means missing some classes.