What do I say

It has been really hard the last few days to get the inspiration to even sit down and write something here, let alone take the time and effort that goes into finding the images that are used here.  This whole neurological problem unfortunately has gotten the best of me and besides doing what i thought would be rather popular topics readership is in a downward spiral that i out of control.  I am not sure what happened to make it happen or even what made it possible at one point to have 50,000 readers in one month.  If I could figure that out, that is what I would be doing again.

It felt so good knowing I had such a platform of people viewing and looking at and reading what was posted here, but as I have said I wonder if this latest illness has taken my "mojo"

I also wonder if I should use this space for more inspirational itemns, more positive thiinking, more into what it is I am really thinking half the time and what exactly inspires me.  Maybe its too late to ask that question with only around 300 people reading a day?  Besides are they reading the new stuff or the old stuff?  Does anybody have any ideas on what I could do to try to regain some of that previous glory, or am I chasing  a dog that is LONG GONE?

I am walking some better but the pain now is higher than ever, the loss of sensation is just as bad or at the end of my school day even worse and I have said numerous times it has me VERY depressed.  When or can it ever better?  What if the paralysis is permanent?  What if this is the new status quo?  Well I can tell you one thing I know for sure....  I am NOT now or ever quitting school!

It is right now the only thing keeping me going, keeps me inspired and gives me what I need in my life, more than anything else.  I have said here numerous times but I have never wanted anything so badly in my life.

Thought of the day: Faith

Can someone have faith without having religion?  I believe the answer to that simple questionis yes although many people realte teh two things together.   Faith and religious faith are two very seperate things and they both can survive without ever the two meeting.  But can faith exist without hope? 

A brand new year

Well 2010 has come and gone.  I made my goal of 365 posts within last year and actually if you look I did 371.  Granted the last few months was really heavy with the posting to make up for the days I missed but I hope you enjoyed reading, looking and watching everything I have posted.

This last year has been one of tremendous growth with school, the home repairs I am doing, some of my new friendships are stronger then they were and once again I pulled through having pneumonia last year.  That for me actually was the scariest part of last year.  Double pneumonia and meningitis in June and for the first time ever as I laid in Mercy Hospital with a temperature of a 105 I said "I am ready to die....if it is my time." If I have to be honest scared myself, let alone everyone around me.  So much has happened since then and so much of it has been very positive.

Readership which I have talked about the last few weeks has been unreal ---- over 14,000 readers last month alone----and I am humble to say the least that all of you find what I post so fascinating.  I have some nice things planned for the new year that I really hope you enjoy.  I will be talking more about menswear as I am finding very few blogs talk about men's wear and even less do it well in my opinion. 

We will be learning more about my 30 fashion people list over the next year as well (see the post I wrote about Nan Kempner, which explains the 30 people idea) and finally I am having my very first interview which I am extremely excited about.

I also want to continue the "thought for the day" to get us all thinking, learning and growing.  For me I think that involves finally coming to peace with some very personal issues; which at this point I may or may not talk about it.  I'll see how it goes and then of course decide.

Last night at the Annual Grossnickle New Years Eve party (that's one of our neighbors for those of you who don't know) around 11:15 or so we got to playing truth or dare and chicken that I was went with truth.  Well I was asked something I never thought I would be asked and well instead of answering I drank my coke and vodka.  Do I repeat the question here?  I don't think I will, but it did get me thinking quiet a bit.

How much of ourselves do we openly and honestly share with the people in our lives?  Do we even do it in the first place?  Do we have even that one person who knows us like an open book?  Are there things we do not talk about?  Things we would never admit to? Things we think our friends would find shocking, even morally repulsive if we did talk about it.

Or are we in such a place and time where very few things we are thinking and doing are ever discussed even with our partners let alone family and friends.  Maybe there are things we have not talked about that are best left unsaid and there or more than likely things that do need to be said.  Maybe we should go out on a limb and talk.

I find that as I grow older I am more reserved than I was.  I worry more about what people think of me, I wonder if they respect me, or if they admire how hard I work, am I someone they can turn to when they need someone to talk to.  Have I just grown wiser or is there more to it?  I use to say I was an open book, if you want to know something ask and after last night I am beginning to wonder if that is really true for myself or anyone else.

So what are thoughts on this?  I know I have people reading, but I am very interested in getting other people's thoughts on this one.  So until next time----I am so glad we had this time together