A Dream is a Wish your heart makes

I have said it before, and I will say it again, that the dreams that you have at night while fast asleep are really a gate way into your soul.  It is a window into your deepest wishes, wants and desires.  First off let me say I have not been sleeping well at all for over a week.  I get about four hours if I am lucky and frankly I feel like it has me rather short with people and very forgetful.

With that said last night I was so pleased because I got my full eight hours.  Partially I think because I think I took a pain pill because my chest and legs were killing me.  Same old sh*t that I talk about from time to time that I think largely is Fibromyalgia related.  But with pain pill in toe I slept like a baby and dreamt for the first time in months.

In my dream I was upstairs in my studio, which in my dream was MUCH bigger than it is now, and in walks Chairce who I mentioned yesterday's post.  She wants me to design her entire new upcoming concert.  Needless to say I was some what stunned, she said twenty outfits that fit the songs and mood she wants to convery.  I asked "when she needed them" she said five months away.  I called for my assistant, in dreams I guess I have an assitant.  I can't remember HIS name but he was tall, dashing and simply brillant.  I said " we have our work cut out for us but I know we can do it.

While the three of us were chatting in walks, honest to G-d Celine Dion.  I about pissed myself.  She walks over to me kisses me on both cheeks like the French do.  She is flawlessly gorgeous of course and says "Charles darling, I need you to design this Red Carpet affair for the upcoming Music Awards thing I am nominated for and Charice told me what a genius you are do you think you can" all of course with a French accent that is very seductive. I smiled so sweetly and said "Of course anything for you mon cherie."

I awoke briefly and very shortly fell asleep This time I was in a much larger space than even the dream before that is apprently my studio and I am sitting at my fabric table with the legendary icon Carol Burnett.  "Darling, I have this huge Kennedy's Honor event coming up where they are giving me this huge award and well you know Bob Mackie has retired a little bit ago.  I hear it gets no better than you.  Can you and would you design a gown of exquiste quality for this gala event?  Celione Dion raved so much about you darling, it was so sweet and charming.  I blushed.  I sat tearing up, "Carol I would be delighted."

In walks honest to G-d Gay Super Icon and Fierce Goddess herself CHER!  I fainted, deadway.  Carol Burnett picks me up, dust me off.  "Darling, get it together.  I hope you don't mind but I called my friend Cher and said to meet us here."  I sat crying.  Cher in typical Cher fashion walks over and bitch slaps me right across the face and says "Snap out of it" ala Moonstruck.  I apologize.  I am sorry Cher but I have adored you all my life and now you are standing in MY STUDIO.

"Yeah well, duh darling.  Carol said I had to see you and so did Celine.  I have this upcoming one night concert affair I am doing in Vegas darling and well I want you to do all the sets, costumes and even some publicity outfits for the show.  I fainted again. Cher brought me to my feet.  "Darling, the fainting is growing old." She smiles "But it is flattering, g-d knows I love my gays." 

I awoke my pillow was damp, apparently I was having some minor night sweats.  I am was smiling though, crying too.  I know its just a dream but it all seemed so real.  It seemed as if I was really in their presence.  Like all the hard work was paying off.  Somebody finally HAD NOTICED me!

Madame Zelda is in......

Is there a chance I said to much in the last two posts I have done?  Someone pointed out it seemed very private and my response was, "Maybe someone can learn from mistakes?  Maybe people will see me as more "approachable" if you will--more like someone they can honestly talk with.  Someone they can trust with their secrets.

Someone also pointed out I dwell to much on the past.  Honestly kids, until last year it is all I had and I was comfortable living in it.  It was a safe, secure, for the most part happy place and like I said I thought it was all I had.  Some where I knew the outcome of the past, things I felt I could control because I was the one that remembered them.  It was also a very lonely place because 95% of the people in my life now were not in my life then.

This person also pointed out I should dwell more on the future, what I honestly want and especially out of my life.  Yesterday Paula Deen was on Oprah and the topic seemed to be "Jobs before they were famous" and Paula was a bank clerk, when she was not in her home in terror because of her agoraphobia.  She said " All you need is a dream and the ambition to make it happen.  What is the shame is people who have the dream and never do anything about it ever".  I could have sat and cried because it felt like I have sat on a dream for nearly twenty years.

So with that said Madame Zelda "psychic par excellence" is in ( me in a fantasy roll for this post to tell the future) Welcome dahlink to my parlor Madam Zelda expected voi. I vee that voi are troubled by vhat vee future holds for voi dahlink. Hold moi hands and let us gaze into vee crystal ball.

• Madame Zelda sees: A bright and illustrious career for you in Fashion design in the very near future.  You will be, dahlink, one of the very best there is.  Demand for you will be overwhelming at times but you will love every second of it.  I can not tell if it will be Broadway, movies or Haute Couture that you will be doing but I see a large work space with a fair sized staff who will love you beyond words.
• Madame Zelda sees: You living in New York City the best are for part of your year and the other part of the year will be split between Paris and Rome possibly for shows, exhibits or even clients. Possibly hosted by friends and clients so you have some down time from your very busy schedule.
• Madame Zelda sees: You living a long and full life despite the fact that you have been so ill for so long.  The planets will align for you dahlink and health wise it could not be any better.

I know all rather silly post but they wanted to see what I dream of, that's it plain and simple put more simply...

• To graduate from Kent State University with Honors with a degree in Fashion and possibly a minor in writing.
• To have the funds to do my semester in either NYC, Paris, Florence, Hong Kong, or Turkey that KSU offers their fashion students.
• To have my internship with some major design firm where I can learn and grow the most.
• I would if I have to be honest love living in New York City, which is for the most part nearly written in stone as how else does one do fashion seriously and not live in New York?
• I would love to work in either Haute Couture, Movies, or Broadway Theatre.  I would also love to somehow incorporate my fashion into doing something again on an AIDS platform, sort of like Jack Mackenroth.
• I would love to have a celebrity clients and call them my "friends/mentors".  Their are a few I would kill to have in that list including Liza, George Clooney, Sophia Loren, Kristin Chenowith, Nathan Lane and of course my all time fave Tim Gunn.

There are simple things I would like to do as well..

get my sewing machine serviced
Buy a serger
Buy a professional dress from
Have a trunk show
Be in another fashion show
Visit New York City again
Not waste or feel like I am wasting so much time

Well I hope this fills the "thinking about the future" that this friend was looking for.  It all seems so simple really. Well until next time I am so glad we had this time together.