New Poem

This is also for my creative writing class that I am in it is part of my Honor's Program Work that I am doing.  Once again it is taking the abstract and making it concrete.  I decided to the reverse of "More The Stone."


The Passage


Through lovers lips I do impart
I am the tender caress at the seat of thy longing soul
For love doth seek a mere mortal heart
I am the tie that binds thee
To me forever more and all eternity

I am the tears of sorrow and despair
The casket has been lowered into the ground
I am the eulogy of sorts blowing in the wind
The priest doth try to repair
Hearts that bleed, torn asunder are we

Of loving mother and child
I am in the nursery still
I am of lullabies and fairytales
To hush your loud cries of fear
I am by the side of your crib on bended knee

I am intolerable rage
I am unending anger at thy neighbor
I yield the gun
In the silent night
I end a life for all eternity

I am of race and creed
All the planets nationalities
Seeing nothing but the gulf of difference
Add religion and of course
Sexuality beyond all doubt

Whether a hang man’s noose around my neck
Or the bedside of someone one hundred and five
I am what drives man
To don white sheets
To burn the cross in a yard in depths of night

I start or end world wars
Even civil disobedience
To draw unto me or push away
All who see me in the light of day
I am truth, I am belief or I am out right lies

What will you do with me today
First thing in the morning
As your journey doth begin
Or as your head hits the pillow at night
How will I achieve or destroy

To cause war or bring about peace
The leaders of the world
Use me to inspire, to delight
To cause fear and concern
To bring about world peace

The power is on thy lips
I am waiting for thee
I am longing for the time
For you to use me
Once more through lips to pass

What poem or sonnet
Wilt I speak
From pen to paper I doth flow
Books on shelves filled
Beyond belief, wonder

The brains journey doth take flight
Do I inspire thee still
Do I destroy others in thy path
They do cross
I have yet to begin to speak

Self written Poetry

All you wanted was snow

Falling to the ground
Burying everything in sight
Funny because
You never really liked it

I called for hospice care
So I could keep you home
My fragile withering bird
I can clearly see every single rib

Eighty-three pounds
Standing five foot one
I cry myself to sleep
Watching you slowly
Fade away from me

Hospital bed arrives
You’re tired and lay down
Never to get up again
Eleven days of fading

Angel’s wings I hear
The snow finally begins to fall
It’s 7:30 a.m. December 21st
Sixteen years of fighting
AIDS has finally won

Rest in peace my love
While I linger still
Fighting ever
To be brave, to be true

Sorry for the lack of posts

It has been a very hectic few days.  First it was homework and then Monday we ended up getting  anewer car. We went eto Tri-City Nisson in Tallmadge and we ended up with a 2008 Chevy Cobalt.  I happy to report that it is FIRE ENGINE red.  It rides so smooth and it does get better gas mileage. The other problem the last few days I have been trying to adjust to the new medication I am for now a little over a week.  My HIV doctor prescribed Cymbalta because of my leg and feet pain I have been having lately.  Frankly I think the medication is for the moment making it worse.  The pain has been through the rough and well the fatigue the last three days has been some of the very worst I have had in a while.  I have no idea what the heck I am going to do.  If anybody been has been or is on Cymbalta I would love hearing what your experiences have had.

Over the next few days I will be posting some pictures of a few of my assignments for the Fashion Visuals class I am in.  It will be mood boards and a clothing item.  I don't want to give away all of the details, so all of you sign in you are somewhat surprised. Well until next time, I am so glad we had this time together.

I can't believe this is post 501, where does the time go?  Somehow you all have been reading along, changes and all from those early days of doom and gloom that the posts where to the postings about Wizard of Oz and collecting to now fashion.  You my readers have been faithful and somehow readership just keeps soaring.  Maybe I have hit on something, maybe I am so frank, so honest, so open people are intrigued by what I will say next. Maybe it is because I talk about fashion or things that intrest me.  Maybe its becasue as Sally Field said "You like me, you really like me."  I would love to know what it is that makes you come back reading.

This weekend believe it or not was spent doing nothing more than homework.  The whole damn freaking weekend, but in all reality I know it will pay off in the end. Maybe I will make the Dean's List again this semester, maybe somebody will notice how hard I am working and how very desperately I want this more than life itself.

Maybe it will pay off in my intership when the time comes, or pay off when I go to study abroad or when I leave for the work force because people will see how dedicated I am and how badly I want it.  Facebook asks the question in some online quizzes about the people you know if they would sell everything to get successful.  The answer for me is a very simple YES! No doubt in my mind, no regret, no questions.  You get tired of being nobody.  You get tired of feeling like yo haven't made a difference.  You get tired of feeling lonely.  You get tired of not being what you want and need to be for yourself.  If so many people can do it why can't I?

I think for me the answer is I need to get more focused on how I spend alot of my time.  So many hours a day for homework, so many hours a day to write which I love and so many an hours a day to sew which for me is breathing.  To create IS LIFE, without it there is literally nothing!  Brutal isn't it?  It though is the truth and I am beginning to understand it.

I am going to go out on a limb and say at the moment I feel very desperately alone.  In the near month back in school my family has not called once to see how I am. To see how things are going in school.  To see if I am alright.  It grows tiring.  I feel like I have to "pull teeth" almost to get any response and I am tired of it beyond words.  I want people involved in my life because they want to be.  I want people to know what I am doing because they want to know.  I need somehow to know I am needed in someway and that i make the difference.  Sounds desperate doesn't it?  I guess it is, but it is the raw truth.

I have this huge project with the "Women of History Fashion Show" that I HAVE to start tomorrow or I will never get it done. I need to finish homework that is due Wednesday and frankly I need to get back to myself into the habit of meditating daily and doing yoga daily somehow.  Like I have said before and I will say it again I feel like so much of time is wasted.  How all do you feel about the time you have?  I would love knowing I am not alone.

Well until next time kids I am so glad we had this time together and I hope you have been enjoying the new mood boards I have been posting.

Food for thought

Ok, I am buried up to my eyebrows I swear in research for this new paper I want to do for College Writing 1 on AIDS.  Primarily has AIDS really changed anything and if so what.  So many questions I have asked myself--are we responding the way we should be?  Would the people who died now almost 30 years ago of AIDS be pleased with the progress we have made or would they see the progress we still need to make?  Is apathy running rampant?  Is the attitude of the younger gay crowd that of AIDS doesn't affect/effect me?  Do they know where we have been?  Does it change their experience as being gay?

Are the opinions of the mass public the same they were in the 1980's and 1990's or is the voice different?  Is attitudes different overseas verus here in the USA?  Is there more of a response to AIDS in Africa versus here in the USA?  How many people with AIDS here in the USA are being denied acess to medical care, how many are opting out of medications and stopped taking them?  What is that thinking like--what akes them stop?  Does the general public even thnk about this disease anymore?

Is it managable as they say?  Just a few pills and eveything is ok--life goes on normally?  People aren't dying anymore right?  You get the idea.

I guess what I would like to know is what is your take on this?  Your thougths, your experience, your story?  Am I the only person you know living with AIDS? Do you know anyone who has died from it?  Is this a topic you even talk about?  Or should it be left all unsaid, unspoken or even thought about?

Maybe it shouldn't even be in a post--well until next time I am glad we had this time together and that you are reading.

another religious "Themed" response to AIDS--is it to little to late??

Nothing but school work all day today

A very long day of homework and sewing for the Habitat For Humanity Show which is due Thursday. The sewing is going slowly and the next paper is not quite ready for the rough draft tomorrow, hopfully I can work on it some more in the morning. I did however did finish the necklace for the Habitat show today and is made entirely made of washers, wire, s-hooks and screws.

The fatigue has not been as bad here lately thankfully but now that I bring it up I am sure it will raise its ugly head soon. The soreness and stiffness though is worse than ever and somehow I mange to keep going. Not sure if it is because of all the work here lately or if it is the fibromyalgia acting up. Will try to get those photographs from the last show developed tomorrow if I can.  Well until next time I am so glad we had this time together.  Been thinking here lately of adding an inspirational quote daily. Let me know what you think.

Easter

Well the dress for the Hunger event is coming along nicely as I spent the entire morning working on it and nothing else.  The only break was to put everything in the oven for Easter dinner.  The whole even was exactly what I didn't want. No comments about the table or flowers, no comments on my outfit for the fashion show, no questions about school---no nothing I should have seen it coming.  Actually I did predict this yesterday, the thing is I don't know why I try so hard.  Why do I keep beating myself up when it is NEVER going to change.  It really hurts.  The photograph to the side is the picture I promised yesterday of the carnival glass, the flowers I did myself and I thought a beautiful touch.

School starts back tomorrow and while I am looking forward to it, I am not looking forward to all the upcoming homework including this paper I have due on gender.  Oy vey!  I think the topic I want to write about is the effects/affects of pornography on both genders, straight and gay if possible.  In the mean time somehow finish this dress by Thursday and still somehow squeeze in doll work too so I can raise the funds for May for summer classes.  No rest for the wicked I guess.  Well to lighten the mood a silly "Youtube" post and until  the next time, I am so glad we had this time together

Thoughts for today

Well the sewing is going rather well and I have set my deadline for tonight so I can deliver my outfit to Kent State tomorrow after painting class, if I can finish it by then!  The hand rolled hems are taking the longest and I am going to have to see if I can get an attachment for my machine to do them by machine instead!

Classes are still going rather well, and yes there is still a mountain of homework every week but I have NEVER felt so alive in my life.  Like I am really accomplishing something beyond myself.  I have never been HAPPIER! To think I am not even in design classes yet .  Just wait till that happens, you my readers maybe reading about fashion 24-7-365 !

All work and no play

Between the never ending mountains of homework and the Sew For Haiti Fundraiser at KSU I have had precious little time for anything else today. Besides it seems that I am going through a rather rough spell with fatigue because of all the pressure and fibromyalgia. Tomorrow plan on doing a post about being Gluten free and is is a year anniversary since I have.

For yesterday--because of homework

Just because I didn't have the time yesterday to do a post because of the amount of homework I had to do!

A very long day

It has been a very long day with classes today, and than the mountain of homework so no real news here. You throw in the 4 hour nap this afternoon I had to have, and well you see why this post is so late today. I think my warning sign for a "crash day" as I call them is going  to be extremely bad chest pain. The last few times where I have had the "exhausted days" I wake up with extreme chest pain, the type where your ribs just throb in agony all day.  So from here on out, I am going to listen to that pain and get my rest and as much of it as I need.

May today there be peace within.

May you trust G-d that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of G-d..

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing,

Dance, praise and love..

It is there for each and every one of us.